Things I've learned while doing yard work...

1. My girls are not nearly as good at yard work as watching TV. They need serious encouragement in the weed-pulling, leaf-raking and mulch-spreading departments.

2. 80-anything degrees and higher are too hot for re-mulching. Or sitting in a chair eating a Popsicle. Or being outside.

3. I NEVER buy enough mulch. I will henceforth go to Lowe's, tell them how much mulch I need and then add the words "times 2". That should get me close.

3.5. And speaking of Lowe's...they never take me seriously. Anytime I ask for something they always hesitate and seem as though they are waiting for my husband to walk up and take care of things. This only fuels my stubborn nature and makes me ask A LOT of questions about things I don't really care about as punishment. "Soooo...this chigger stufff...does it really work? Do you have organic ant granules? Can you ask your manager just to make sure? Where are the posies? Can you take me there? Do I need to pay for the mulch first, or can we just see how many fit in my van? Do I need to back my van up over here to get the mulch, or can you just carry it there for me?" See...I am a much nicer person when you don't judge me for the lack of testosterone.

4. After 30 minutes of work I will inevitably stand up and black out. I must always remember to have a chair or pillow near me...concrete hurts.

5. Drink water. And then drink water. And a little more...

6. If I find a millipede, frog, lizard, worm or any other "cool bug" I have lost 3 workers indefinitely. Their new task is to make it a house and feed it lunch.

7. I should never, never, never try to spruce up the back yard the day before a party when I already have 3 days worth of to-do list looming overhead.

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