Well, add another store to the "we can't go back there" list...

Is there a good time of day to go shopping alone with 3 small children?

You would think that the 6 year old might be helpful, and that the 1 year old (seriously, she is almost one now!) being in the sling would make it so the only "handful" would be the 2 year old.

There are times, though, when they are all so on their game that it's a wonder I ever venture out of the home. Much less make it through an entire day without the help of pharmaceuticals...major pharmaceuticals...

Yesterday's trip to School Aids to buy flash cards tops pretty much every shopping adventure to shame. And that being said, I'm going to do my best to describe the events that lead up to my decision that none of them will ever set foot through those doors again. Not with me, and certainly not all three of them together.

We left just after lunch. Silly me thought that full bellies would help make them more subdued. It is obvious that there is a chemical in cheap Chinese take-out that is only triggered by microwaving it the next day (perhaps there is something to this BPA plastic hoopla) that will turn young children into crazy wilder beasts. It cannot be my inability to control them. Nope, that's not even a remote possibility.

They did great getting in the van, driving to the store, getting out of the van, and even up to the threshold. But once they got a look at the merchandise in all it's glory...the pens, pencils, stamps, puzzles, felt boards, flashcards, spinners, games, dry erase boards, stuffed animals, puppets and coloring books...it was all over for me. Jorja, in her stroller, kept yelling "Stop! Go back! I want that!" And when I would not...she let out a blood curdling scream. This happened no less than 20 times. A very nice woman asked if she could help me find something, and then led me to the math flash cards...they had exactly what I needed. All the while Josie is in the sling squirming and trying to reach everything near us. Jonah declared "I want to live here now!" And touched everything at least once, some things were so important that we absolutely could not move forward until I looked at them while she described them in detail and told me what teacher she knew had them and that's why "we need that, too."

I finally gave up. No browsing for me...I looked at 3 boxes of flash cards and decided that the big one had to have everything I needed. We headed for the front among screams of "I want to walk" and "let me out of here, I want that!" from Jorja. Josie was dumbfounded...I don't think she has ever heard that much screaming before. Actually, I don't think short of a slasher film, anyone has heard that much screaming before.

So we finally get to the front of the store where the nice lady starts to ring us up. Of course I want to fill out the form to get discounts!! Let's take 5 extra minutes to do that. My second very bad decision of the day...the first was taking 3 kids anywhere! While I'm filling out the form, Jonah manhandles every doll-dress-up puzzle on the rack, and Jorja, who is jealous that she cannot reap destruction on them, manages to escape the bonds of the stroller and run over with her. I can only get out "did you...? How...? Get back here! Oh, never mind..." And finish filling out the information. It was only a few seconds before I realized she was at the front door of the store, before I can get there, a very disgruntled store employee almost rips the front doors off their hinges trying to get back IN the store. She can't get the door open because...you guessed it...Jorja locked them! Humiliation sets in. I'm trying to apologize and explain to a woman without even the tiniest sense of humor that the 2 yo locked the door. She would not look at or speak to me. I have only seen someone that angry a few times in my life...and it always ended with a spanking.

I quickly finished paying, exited the store and held back tears of frustration long enough to make it home, open the pack of cards and realize...in all the craziness...I bought the wrong cards!