Forget The Laundry, We're Homeschooling!

Honoring My Husband

2012-01-21T12:06:00.003-05:00

Sounds so offensive, doesn't it?

How dare I even think about doing something so archaic, so, so...Biblical? Good job, Lisa. You and women like you are setting back the Women's Movement buy centuries there...

Honestly...if that's what you think...GIVE ME A BREAK.

Sure, some women are doormats. Sure, some men are oppressive beasts. But let me tell you something, when I say I want to honor my husband, I mean it. And when I'm doing it...when I'm truly loving him according to God's plan (which, OK, isn't as often as it should be), things are awesome. I feel awesome. And it doesn't matter if I'm not getting my way, or if life is playing out just like I planned. Everything is still awesome.

It's a funny sort of thing, how I came to write this blog entry. I was doing Bible study with my girls one morning a couple weeks ago. We do one verse from Proverbs a day. We were on Proverbs 16:8.

Better is a little with righteousness
than great revenues with injustice.

How on Earth did I get from that to honoring my husband you ask? Well, let's take a little journey into my thought processes for a moment, shall we? (Don't be scared...we aren't going in that far...you won't be permanently damaged...)

After Jonah reads the daily verse, we discuss it's meaning. So I began by asking them, "would you rather have a little house with not many toys, or would you rather steal a bunch of money and have a really big, nice house with a whole bunch of stuff?" Being well trained little robots, they told me what I wanted to hear. *sigh* I mean, they pondered the question and gave a truly thoughtful answer of "the little house."

So we went on to talk about how hard we should work and focus on how we can serve the Lord, not on what we can get. And we should find joy in the blessings we are given, not look at what we don't have.

After our discussion, the middles are to draw a picture of how they can apply the day's verse, while Jonah and I write a prayer in our journals. This is how it usually plays out:

Me: Ok, Jorja, what are you going to draw?
Jorja: Well...I think I'm going to draw myself in a really pretty dress, and I'm a princess and....
Me: How does that apply to the verse, Jorja?
Jorja: I'm going to write the word "GOD" right here.
Me: How about you just draw a picture of yourself doing your chores and not complaining?
Jorja: Ok, but I'm going to be wearing a pretty dress...
Me: Josie, can you draw a picture of yourself doing chores?
Josie: I'm already drawing a mermaid.
Me: A mermaid has nothing to do with the verse.
Josie: (sighs loudly) Fine. I'll draw myself as a mermaid doing my chores.
Me: (sighing loudly) How about if you draw Daddy working hard for our family. He always works hard so we can have everything we do.

And then we have "silent time." Silent time is the time where I try to write my prayer while shushing the girls 900 times and I'm usually lucky if I get to focus at all.

But this morning...I started thinking. "He always works hard so we can have everything we do." And enter conviction. I suddenly realized just how little I honored my husband when I complained that the wood trim was ugly. Just how little I appreciate the long hours when I get angry that our carpet is worn out and how I moan that our countertops are not granite. Or that the blinds are broken, or that the master bath still has not been caulked.

Don't get me wrong...I'm not saying I don't contribute. I do. I try and stretch our dollars and I try to stay in budget and make our home comfortable and nice. But I don't deal with unrealistic expectations from clients (of course, after being married to me, he should be an expert in that field). I don't try to manage employees (sure, I manage children...but let's face it, he can't put an employee in time out!) And I certainly don't have to leave my family before most are awake in the morning and sometimes not come home until my babies are asleep.

The weight of what I do have became very great. As did the weight of the sacrifice of my husband for us.

So this was the short prayer I wrote after I had my little 'aha' moment.

Father,
Thank you for our incredible blessings. Thank you for my husband who works so hard for us. Please help me to honor him by being joyful and content with the blessings you have given our family through him. Help me to instill this trait in my daughters, so that one day they may honor their husbands in that way.
Amen

I have a long way to go to really live this out. And yes, since this prayer was written, we have been very blessed to start doing some repairs and upgrades in our home, but I have not forgotten how much of an impact that morning had on me.

Making a quiet book

2011-12-21T16:41:00.000-05:00

One of the wonderful things about having children is introducing them to the worship service at church. It's fun to see them watch and absorb what is happening around them. It's not so much fun when they get tired of being quiet (one of the big problems with my little chatterboxes) and sitting still.

So this Christmas, I decided I would make Jayma a little quiet book for church. What's best is that the whole thing is made from remnants. I didn't buy a thing!

So I Googled...and I checked Pinterest, and came up with a small book to start.

Let me begin by pointing out that when you undertake any sewing project, you really need to find a neat and tidy area to work.

It's important to have an organized sewing box.

I can't emphasize enough how much faster a project will progress if you are able to easily find everything you need.

Now that we have that out of the way...

On to the book.
I was going to sew the whole thing together, but after breaking 3 needles, I decided to just put in grommets and that would allow me to add other pages later.

The cover just has her name. I tied the pages together with ribbon...I think that turned out cute.

The First pages have a pie to weave, a napkin to fold, and shoes to lace, button and velcro.

Then I have a page of shapes to match and a little barn with doors that open. There is a pocket to add little animal finger puppets, but she doesn't get those until she stops putting everything in her mouth.

One of my favorite pages is the button flowers. She can take the flowers off and move them around. I also have a clock with hands that move independently. You know so she can keep track of the time she is spending listening to the sermon.

Finally, on the back is the pocket, of course. It is complete with felt coins on ribbon to take in and out.

I can't wait for her to open it Sunday. If she likes it half as much as her sisters have, it will be a hit!

Rat Toes...or Bacon-Wraped-Shrimp-Stuffed-Jalapenos for those who prefer.

2011-10-24T21:08:00.001-04:00

Last week we had the great pleasure of getting 6 really nice sized jalepenos as part of our weekly produce bag. That left us with only one option of how to serve them. Rat Toes!

You see, a good friend of mine, Hope C. in Atlanta recommended a restaurant by the name of Six Feet Under on a trip to see her a few years ago. It was a great recommendation. As was the recommendation to try Rat Toes. Sounds appealing, doesn't it? Well, don't knock 'em till you've tried 'em. Because they were superb.

And since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, we came home and attempted to make our own. I mean, a gal can't be expected to go a year or more without a mix of shrimp, bacon and peppers, can she?

So here is my little tutorial on how to make them for yourself.

First, you need a good line up:

You are going to need peppers. We used 6 good sized jalepenos and 8 smaller jalepenos from a friend's garden, along with a trial run of 3 banana peppers from our own garden. You will also need one raw, peeled shrimp for each pepper, a strip of raw bacon for each pepper, and some toothpicks or skewers.

Step 1 is to cut all the stem ends off and carefully clean out the seeds and ribs. The more seeds and ribs you remove the milder the pepper will be.

Then you take one shrimp per pepper and stuff the shrimp in tail first.
Since we had smaller peppers as well, I cut some of our shrimp in half to make them fit.

Once you have the shrimp stuffed, it's time to wrap them in bacon. Ohhh...bacon. I'm pretty sure we cut the bacon in half, but really, can you use too much bacon? No, you cannot.
Make sure to skewer them with a toothpick to hold the bacon in place.
For the 8 smaller peppers, we just lined them all up on a long kebob skewer with bacon serpentined between. Doesn't that just make your mouth water?

I lined a broiler pan with foil - this is very important - without the foil, you will be scrubbing that pan forever.

I put them under the broiler for about 10 minutes on one side and then flipped them over for another 10-15 minutes on the second side.

Wow, I am so hungry

And another view of that bacon-y goodness, just in case the first photo didn't make you hungry.

Here is the platter of Rat Toes, ready for eating. We have some ranch dip in that bowl, but it doesn't really show up, being white dip in a white bowl.

And the Rat Toes as part of the whole meal. All of the above veggies (spinach, carrots and broccoli) came from our organic produce co-op.

Our dogs speak what?

2011-09-14T19:23:00.001-04:00

While encouraging my girls to clean their room (with a timer and a garbage bag) I heard the dogs going crazy barking in the living room.

This is the conversation that followed:

Me: "Oh, my. What are they barking at?!"

Jorja: "Don't ask me, I don't speak dog Spanish."

Jonah: "Dog Spanish?"

Jorja: "Or dog English...or whatever. I don't know what they are saying."

I had no idea our dogs were bilingual.

TA-DA!

2011-08-13T22:52:00.004-04:00

I have finished this year's format of our Weekly Homeschool Record. I've broken from the "time/day" format to the subject format. Pray for me...this is a huge break away from my usual way of doing things. I'm trying to be more flexible. Let's just hope I don't bend too far and snap!

So here it is.

I have also uploaded our daily schedule for those of you who had asked to see it.

Let's hope it's worth more than the paper I printed it on!

Back at it!

2011-07-18T16:23:00.003-04:00

We made a brief attempt at getting back into the swing of things this morning. It ended with me confiding in a friend that if things go this well all year, the girls will be in public school with a quickness. Of course, that feeling passed eventually, but I can see that morning chores and sitting quietly at the school table will take some time to get used to.

I did get some time to get our weekly schedule going. It still needs tweaking, as we do not have a dance schedule or a firm day of the week for history or some of the other activities we hope to enjoy.

But for your viewing pleasure...

There is still much tweaking to be done...such as toning down colors and adding more chores. And probably more chores. And there is a serious lack of time allotted for laundry washing, folding and putting away.

But, I must say, all in all, I am cautiously excited about this year and what it will hold for us. Maintaining my sanity will be goal #1, of course.

The only fighting we allow is... pillowfighting!

2011-07-07T21:11:00.003-04:00

And we are training them well. Jason had a blast beating his children with pillows, chasing them around, and occasionally being hit himself!

We did it!

2011-06-27T10:21:00.003-04:00

I just sat Jorja down with a Bob book to see what she could sound out and I was so surprised with what she was able to read to me. And she picked up the sight words "the", "a", and "has" quite quickly.
So I guess I have no choice now but to start kindy with her early so the poor child can learn to read. AND I have to get all of our early readers out of storage. Yikes. That means that our dining room remodel has to be fast tracked. Which also means a trip to Orlando to buy the new table, and getting someone in here to quickly (and economically) put in the wall unit.
Hmmm...that is a lot of work all put into motion by one little 5 year old eager to learn.

Things I've learned while doing yard work...

2011-06-24T11:43:00.002-04:00

1. My girls are not nearly as good at yard work as watching TV. They need serious encouragement in the weed-pulling, leaf-raking and mulch-spreading departments.

2. 80-anything degrees and higher are too hot for re-mulching. Or sitting in a chair eating a Popsicle. Or being outside.

3. I NEVER buy enough mulch. I will henceforth go to Lowe's, tell them how much mulch I need and then add the words "times 2". That should get me close.

3.5. And speaking of Lowe's...they never take me seriously. Anytime I ask for something they always hesitate and seem as though they are waiting for my husband to walk up and take care of things. This only fuels my stubborn nature and makes me ask A LOT of questions about things I don't really care about as punishment. "Soooo...this chigger stufff...does it really work? Do you have organic ant granules? Can you ask your manager just to make sure? Where are the posies? Can you take me there? Do I need to pay for the mulch first, or can we just see how many fit in my van? Do I need to back my van up over here to get the mulch, or can you just carry it there for me?" See...I am a much nicer person when you don't judge me for the lack of testosterone.

4. After 30 minutes of work I will inevitably stand up and black out. I must always remember to have a chair or pillow near me...concrete hurts.

5. Drink water. And then drink water. And a little more...

6. If I find a millipede, frog, lizard, worm or any other "cool bug" I have lost 3 workers indefinitely. Their new task is to make it a house and feed it lunch.

7. I should never, never, never try to spruce up the back yard the day before a party when I already have 3 days worth of to-do list looming overhead.

...

The end is near...

2011-05-02T16:01:00.002-04:00

And we can't seem to get a darn thing done.

We only have two weeks left of curriculum, and for some reason, we just keep finding reasons not to finish it. I know we could just skip it, honestly. Everything we do from here to the end of the year will be reviewed ad nauseam at the beginning of the next school year. But I'm not a quitter. Am I? And I'm a rule follower. When I want to be. And what kind of example would I be to my children if I just quit now.

So we keep chugging along. (barely) And we will complete all the lessons and tests...and then we will swim and play and sleep in and stay up late and totally and completely enjoy summer for about a month until we get bored and are ready to start school again.

Homeschooling is a gateway drug.

2011-05-01T15:11:00.005-04:00

It all begins innocently enough.

You think about it, you may even pray about it. Then one day the decision is made. Whether it was a decision made before you had children, because of a special need of one of your children, or a bad experience in a public or private school, it's done, you're going to homeschool. For better or worse...you homeschool.

This is my family (obviously, duh!)

It's our life. We joined the club, so to speak, we are literally a card-carrying home school family.

But for so many of us, it doesn't end there. It's not just how we educate our children. It's our lifestyle.

And then it begins...the lifestyle changes. For some, homeschool was a product of long denim dresses. For others, the long denim dresses came out of the decision. And it's different for all of us...what byproducts come out of this lifestyle.

For our family it is slowly but surely getting off the grid, one small (or large) decision at a time. What am I talking about?

Starting a garden. Ask Jorja why...she will answer, "so we don't have to go buy our produce anymore." Yes, it's educational, healthy, and saves money, but it just seems like the 'thing to do.' And I blame my fellow home school mommies for setting the example.
Cooking from scratch. I know, a lot of you who don't homeschool do this, but bear with me, because before I was the one sitting ALL DAY with my four children, I could give a rat's hind-end if my kids were sugared up and full of chemicals that made them act like untrained monkeys. Now, I am doggone serious about fresh fruits and veggies for snacks and meals instead of junk that will make me want to take up drinking at 10 AM.
Cloth diapering. The newest item in my line of going against the grain. I'm tired of Pampers, Huggies, and sometimes Luvs taking all our money. And you know I'm serious about this if I'm willing to take on MORE laundry. And if I'm willing to swish poop out of a diaper.
Holistic medicine. Yep, I've jumped off the pharmaceutical freight train. I will, of course turn to a prescription when needed, but no more than necessary. Guess what? Those great herbs and homeopathic remedies people have used for hundreds of years...a lot of them WORK. It's amazing.
Farm-fresh eggs and whatever else we can pilfer...err...purchase from our local friends who farm. Yes, I'm even considering raw milk...you know "for the animals". (Please FDC, do not come hunt me down, I promise, there is no contraband dairy in my fridge or my children)
Tardiness. I will never forget the first lesson I learned in Jamaica. When we were running about 2 hours late getting to our resort I was told about "Jamaica time." Yes, Jamaica time is the explanation given when everything is so laid back that no one really cares if you get there 20 minutes early or (more likely) an hour late. I've always been very high strung and have never wanted to be late for anything. It's tacky. Promptness is courteous and thoughtful. Unless you homeschool. In which case you live your life by "homeschool time." Now, I could blame this phenomenon on the fact that I have 4 small children, but I'm not going to set myself up like that. Because we all know that even when I'm down to schooling one or two high school girls, I'll still be late to everything - late according to 'the man', that is. But for me, it's just "homeschool time, man. No worries."

So what's next, you ask? Well, I'm not sure. But I can guarantee that it's not coming from Wal-Mart or Target. More likely a farm supply store. And it might be cute, yellow, stinky, and eventually lay eggs. Or it might be a product we learn to make ourselves from live cultures or milk. But whatever it is, I blame the influence of those lovely ladies I know who think outside the box.

Generosity, with a hint of orneriness.

2011-02-28T10:57:00.001-05:00

One thing I love about these girls is that they are (almost) always willing to share. Whether it's treat Jorja gets at preschool, a goodie Jonah gets at a sleepover, or a handful of snacks Josie gets from mommy in the kitchen, everyone gets a taste.
Sometimes it comes without hesitation, but other times, we may run into some arguing, or like today...some toying with emotions.
This morning we got an early start and took a few items to a bake sale at Jorja's school to benefit a local child, Luke, who is dealing with some very serious health issues. I also gave each girl a couple dollars that they could spend at the sale.
Josie went straight to the chocolate dipped Oreos. Smart girl. Jonah opted to get a couple lower priced items. However, when it came time to eat, Jonah asked if she could have a bite of Josie's. And Josies response was awesome. She did not answer Jonah, instead, she looked her right in the eye and took a bite of the Oreo pop. She didn't even blink.
Jonah asked again. Josie took another bite, still staring right at Jonah.
Jonah and Josie facing off in a battle of wills over a bite of oreo cookie and chocolate bliss. And this continues until the last tiny bite of the treat was left. At which point, Josie's mouth upturned into an evil grin very reminiscent of something you would see out of the grinch, and she slowly lifted it up to her mouth. Jonah's eyes grew large with anticipation. Josie paused with it on the edge of her lips...then handed it across the table to Jonah, who broke off a large bite of her brownie and gave it to Josie. Crisis averted.
The peanut butter balls I bought, however, are put up. I don't think I have enough to share.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

My girls + pretty much anything = potty humor

2011-02-25T09:50:00.001-05:00

This week's letter at Jorja's preschool is D. Surprisingly, doo-doo was not mentioned. Neither was dookie or dummy. I am very proud of this accomplishment. I think we are heading toward a civilized household. Maybe.
We discussed several D words before all laughing that diaper would be a funny item to bring. Yeah, it's settled and this is not as inappropriate as dad's idea for the letter U - underwear.
And then Jorja's uncanny ability to make me roll my eyes kicked in...
"Ha, ha, mommy..."
If you have heard her raspy goofy laugh, insert that above...she thought she was quite funny with the following statement.
"How about I bring a DIRTY diaper!?"
And the laughter commenced.
Even Jamison had a big goofy grin. I guess there is no hope for that one, either. I do like that she found a way to use two D's, but I explained that her teacher would probably not appreciate me if I let her bring one of Jamison's dirty diapers in.
So we compromised and I let Jorja bring her favorite stuffed puppy, Roundup, in a diaper.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Life is...mundane...?

2011-02-08T09:24:00.002-05:00

I can't believe it. I haven't had anything wild and crazy to blog about in months.

No children locking employees out of stores.

No mummified poultry.

No pulled fire alarms.

No overflowing toilets.

I might have to do something rash like take a cross-country trip alone with the kids to have some inspiration.

Or I'll just make stuff up...

Or do this again...

My new hobby

2011-02-07T14:14:00.007-05:00

Oh, don't roll your eyes at me. I KNOW I don't have time for a hobby...I don't have time to shower regularly, either...but I still DO it!

How many of you have wonderful husbands? Then you know how it feels to get a reeeeeeealllly great new toy, courtesy of your hard-workin' man. My new toy is this:

Nice, isn't it?

And with any luck, I'll learn how to use it soon, and can post tons and tons of really great images.

I have always loved Photoshop and just recently learned about actions. How did I not know about this years ago? I love that with one action, you can take a photo from this:

To this:

And that is just my lame beginner attempt...Awesomeness!!

And today you can enter to win some Pure Photoshop Actions from Julie Paisley Photography! You may recognize Julie from my Christmas picture blog. Just click on Julie's blog link for the details!

**My lame beginner attempt was using Old West Action from the Pioneer Woman**

How big is your bubble?

2011-02-06T15:10:00.002-05:00

A conversation overheard at the breakfast table...

Jonah: (while drawing) Jorja, get back...

Jorja: I want to see what you're doing.

Jonah: You are in my personal space.

(Jorja ignores Jonah)

Jonah: You are in my bubble...I have a very large bubble.

Jorja: Well, then, it can fit two people...

I love...

2011-01-20T16:51:00.001-05:00

...when Jamison wakes from her nap like this:

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

My first phone blog!

2011-01-20T13:42:00.001-05:00

Since my free time seems to come mostly during nights at the dance studio, and I seem to be snapping a lot of pictures on my handy-dandy iPhone, it seems to make sense that I buy a blogger app and make good use of this technology...
Doesn't it?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Looking back 9 years...the story of Jonah's birth.

2011-01-01T12:08:00.002-05:00

After each child (except the last, of course) I sat down to put into words the events that took place during each birth. Here is the *edited* version on Jonah's birth story:

They say that every pregnancy and birth is different. I know in the general scheme of things that both my pregnancy and birth were relatively easy, but let’s just say I’m a planner - and I planned things a lot better than they actually occurred. I would have never planned to be due on the day after Christmas, that’s for sure!

At my 36 week checkup - after a couple week s of Braxton Hicks contractions were already under my belt, I experienced the most horrific new experience of a first time mom’s life - the cervical check. Now, it’s not just that you are butt-naked, legs in the air, it’s the feeling around that’s not so much fun. After what seemed like an eternity, the doctor snapped off her glove and announced knowingly “you are 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced. You may not make it full term!!”

What? All my plans may work out? I had decided that my daughter would be born on December 12th at 38 weeks and I would have a short period of time to adjust to motherhood and get my figure back before I attended all the Christmas parties I wanted, precious new baby in tow. (Insert maniacal laughter here)

For the next 4 weeks I was lied to in much the same manner. “You will have this baby any day now.” I began to loathe those words. And even more - I hated those exams - now they included a new surprise - stripping membranes. Every appointment I became more uncomfortable, and at every appointment I was promised they would schedule my induction. Lies, all horrible, evil, lies!

I’ll never forget my elation on Christmas day. My contractions were about 6 minutes apart and Dh and I decided to walk, walk, walk, until they were a little closer - then we would call my OB and have a wonderful Christmas surprise. And then they stopped. For no reason at all. My body betrayed me. I was heart-broken.

My next appointment was New Year’s Eve. I was now 5 days overdue. I had been promised yet again that if I had not begun labor on my own I would be induced. My bags were packed and in the car, the carseat was installed. I was ready to have my baby. And then the disappointment yet again. No one would induce me on a holiday. NO. My induction was finally set for January 3rd. What? No tax deduction? I carried this baby most of the year and no freakin’ payout?? You have to be kidding me? Fine. Sure, you can strip my membranes again. I have no dignity left. Jason was witness to the act for the first time. He shrunk down in the corner of the office in horror. He was a shell of the man I married.

We proceeded home to let everyone know that finally, we would have a baby. Not in the year we expected, but it would at long last happen. I sat on the couch and the most incredibly strange feeling occurred. I knew I had to get to the bathroom immediately. I went into the bathroom just outside the kitchen where Jason was getting dinner together and whoosh! No less than 3 gallons of fluid poured out of me into the toilet bowl. Jason ran to the bathroom door yelling “what was that?” I knew immediately “My water broke!”

I cleaned myself up and walked into the kitchen where Jason was laughing at me. I felt like I had a grapefruit in my crotch, and that’s just how I was walking. I began to laugh, too, only, to my surprise, water ran down my legs. Which made both of us laugh even harder and water just kept pouring out. I laughed and leaked until my first contraction. My first REAL contraction. And then reality set in. I was in labor - we would have a baby very soon. At least that’s what I thought.

Twelve minutes later, the next contraction came. And then another in 6, then 5, then 5, then 4. This must be it. Jason had already called the doctor and she told us to go straight to the hospital. It was only 5 minutes from our house. My water broke at 4:30 and somehow it took me until 6:30 to get there. Having to change an overnight maxi pad a dozen times and waiting for Jason to “waterproof” the front seat of the car didn’t help.

We walked up to the door of the L&D and buzzed the desk. A nurse came back asking who we were. “My name is Lisa, my water broke and my doctor told me to...” Oh, we have your room ready, come on in.

Excuse me? You have my room ready? No, that’s not how the lady on the tour told us it would happen. First I go to that room and you make sure I’m really in labor and then I get a room. You’re doing it wrong!! I broke down in tears saying “no, I’m not ready for a real room yet!”

I got a hug from the nurse and she showed me to my room. I was shaking. This was not according to plan!

They asked if I wanted the epidural yet. No, no epidural, thanks. I’m going natural. Laughter. Screaming from next door. The nurse explained that the woman in the next room was going natural, too. There’s that panicky feeling again...

So they got in an IV and that blasted cervical check. But I had to be a good 4 or 5 cm by now. Nothing could hurt this bad and be ineffective, right? “You’re 70% effaced and 2 cm.” Son of a gun!!

So we tried walking again. Soon to find out the entire population of northeast Florida had been alerted of my impending delivery and was in the waiting room. I was expected to make an appearance. Leaking fluid down my leg, in a backless gown and hospital issued grippy socks. Sure, let’s go for it! So I walk out and there are my friends, family, and my pastor. I stood next to the pastor’s chair and just then the mother of all contractions hits. I squat right next to him and am holding on for dear life to the arm of the chair grunting. I will never look at him the same again. I think to myself "I’m going back to walk the floors of the L&D again." At least there, I am with my own kind. Not you people with your coffee and donuts and well proportioned waistlines.

My back is really starting to bother me now, not that it wasn’t bad before, but I almost can’t breathe. Jason suggested a shower. He put on his swim trunks and joined me in the stall. He rubbed my back and kept the warm water on my back. It worked for a while. But I couldn’t sit there much longer. I had to move.

Once we got dried off and I was back in my huge pad and backless gown, they put me in the bed on monitors and checked me again. It was almost midnight. Almost a new year. I was ready to hear it was time to push...and...2 cm. Impossible. And who is that man pacing outside.

It was the angel of mercy - the anesthesiologist. But, no. I was not giving in. I would have this baby naturally. For no reason other than that I was told I wouldn’t make it. This was a matter of pride. I would regain some of my dignity!!

I walked a little more after they removed the monitors. And then my doctor said the unthinkable. Pitocin. What terror lurks in that tiny bottle I would have never guessed. I caved. And my body soon felt as though it were ripping in half.

Where was that pusher with my drugs - and how much could I have??

A dose of stadol and a needle in the back later, and I was fast asleep. I don’t even remember what happened. I awoke around 6 AM to another cervical check. Ah. I was ready to hear the bad news. But...I was now fully dilated and effaced. It was time to push the baby down.

I turned to see my husband laying on the couch asleep. “GET UP” I yelled. “It’s time!”

Now here’s where things get fuzzy. For some reason Jason decides not to plug in the video camera and just to set it on the tripod and let it tape my mother’s backside for 5 minutes before the battery gave out. She did move just long enough to get one unsightly shot of me on my side pushing. I looked like death. Yet, I cannot bring myself to destroy the tape.

After 2 hours of pushing, I am informed there is a woman in the next room at the same stage of labor I am in, and the first baby of the new year has yet to be born. What? Is that a challenge??
I am suddenly transformed into a pushing machine. I have Jason, 3 nurses and my doctor cheering me on. And finally, at 8:20 AM, January 1st, 2002, I win. My little girl is born with apgar scores of 9 and 10. I was able to pull her out and up to my chest. She was beautiful.

A nurse asks if we want a picture because somehow, my mother and mother in law have managed to leave the room in the 2 hours of pushing and miss the birth. They went for coffee. Amazing. The nurse grabs the camera off the table and clicks some pictures. Not the $350 camera purchased specifically for this occasion, mind you, but the mini polaroid camera someone left in the room. Son of a... Can I not have one decent picture or video of this? And worse yet, she stands at the foot of the bed and manages to capture a picture of the new family - and my crotch. I how have a microscopic picture of my new daughter’s head framed by the unspeakable.

They take my baby, clean her up and put her on the scale - just as my mother walks in and screams “it’s a baby” Apparently she expected a puppy? 7 ½ lbs, 20 1/4 inches long is the report.

They hand her back to me and she immediately latches on to eat. She’s a natural. And hungry.

Two days after her birth, and many visitors later, we left the hospital to begin our new lives as a family.

Cards From Holidays Past...

2010-12-01T14:31:00.009-05:00

I was just about to start designing this year's Christmas card and got a little nostalgic. Looking back at some past Christmas photos, I can't believe how much our family has grown over the last few years! Oh, and those sweet little faces...

Our first 'photo card' photo. Can you believe I was almost 4 months pregnant with Josie in this picture?

What a lucky shot. I had posed them all over town in dresses and finally decided this was the one. Such precious little ladies!

I really had fun with this one...ok, a little cheesy, but just look at them!

It's always so much fun for me to design cards to share some Christmas cheer. And I'm just as excited this year, but my goodness, I just can't seem to find the time to design, print, cut and send them out...so I'm very pleased that Shutterfly has such a great selection of cards that I can use.

We used them after Jayma was born for prints and I couldn't believe how quickly and inexpensively we were able to get great prints of our whole family. So now I'm hooked. I am working on a photo book for 2010 and am looking forward to making one each year. And what better way to make invitations and thank-you cards for Jayma's first birthday, than to use her cute picture? Yeah, that's what I thought, too. And then I had an idea to have a mug made for each of the girls...complete with their own picture on it. No more mixing up hot chocolate mugs now!

So this year we had pictures taken by Julie Paisley Photography, and with the help of Shutterfly and a super cute design, This year's card is going to be better than ever...of course...you will just have to wait and see how great.

Oh, alright...I'll give you a little taste...

Playing Catch-up

2010-11-19T09:12:00.002-05:00

So it seems that 3 children, two dogs and a baby kind of take up a lot of time. Hmph. Who would have guessed? I've really (really, really, really) been lacking in my attempts to document homeschool for posterity's sake.

I'm going to attempt to rectify that. Because I know that so many people out there in the world follow this blog daily, just waiting for what new wonderful thing I'm going to post. Millions...just waiting with baited breath for me to make their lives easier...to bestow upon them some incredible new technique in homeschooling that will bring all the pieces of their hectic lives together and then, only then, will their homes run so smoothly, so perfectly, that June Cleaver herself would be jealous.

Of course, their lives are so hectic that they don't have time to LEAVE A COMMENT.

That being said, over the next few days (or weeks, or months, or years) I will be playing catch-up, posting about projects that we've actually finished, fun days of school, and just plain chaos that we have somehow managed to trudge through and survive until bedtime just to do it all again the next day.

So all of you on the edge of your seats...yes, you two right there...stay tuned...it's about to get awesome...

I've been pushed off the "Coolness Bus"

2010-11-12T08:54:00.003-05:00

I knew it would happen. But I was hoping for a few more years, at least until Jonah was in her teen years. But I was just slapped in the face with the reality that my children are old enough to think I'm old. I mean, I am in my mid 30's, right?

This morning Jonah turned on the TV to the Today show while I was getting Jamison down for a nap. I walked through the living room and commented as I was heading to the kitchen "Oh, that's Jon Bon Jovi, I listened to him when I was a kid."

And then the incidental insults flew. Jonah looked at me in awe, "and he's still alive? He's as old as you?"

...

Please do not be alarmed...

2010-09-29T19:00:00.004-04:00

Our scene opens at the World of Coca-Cola in Atlanta, Georgia. Imagine happy little families strolling through the displays. They are enjoying their Saturday, milling around, discussing the inner workings of a bottling plant, laughing, trying out the interactive displays. All is serene and perfect.

Then enters my family. Mom and her girls - all four in matching outfits, all with smiles, and all with devilish little plans for destruction. The baby, Jamison, not yet able to physically act on her scheme. Jonah, old enough to know the horrific consequences of misbehaving in this setting. Josie, still strapped into the stroller, waiting for her chance. And then there is Jorja.

Oh, Jorja. Impeccably dressed, smile that can melt a heart, and a mind that could burn down a country.

Now imagine one distracted mommy, checking on the baby, talking to friends, making sure her oldest was close by.

And then the deafening noise. Decibels that could cause bleeding ears.

Everywhere.

No escape.

Why? Is the building on fire? Is this World War III?

No, no one is running, trying to save the lives of their children. No one screaming "women and children first!"

Only looks. Looks in my direction. Looks at the wall behind me. The wall where there was once an in-tact fire alarm cover. Where there is now a fire alarm lever, pulled by one Jorja Carrie.

The scene now changes. The once happy families are glaring at mom, covering their ears and walking calmly, angrily toward the doors. The perfect, happy Saturday afternoon is now fodder for stories of the cute girl who pulled the alarm and the mother who stood red-faced apologizing to everyone who walked out of the exhibit. The mom who thinks her kid is awesome for giving her something to blog about.

Jonah finds concrete evidence that girls are smarter than boys.

2010-09-16T13:58:00.002-04:00

This afternoon, I was informed, very matter-of-fact-ly, that girls are indeed smarter than boys. Imagine my surprise. When I asked how Jonah knew this, I was met with the following list of undeniable facts:

boys just go to work all day
when they come home from work, they just play on their i-phones
they have no idea how to take care of babies without asking mommies for help
girls are the ones who teach kids
boys have NO IDEA how to homeschool kids
girls have to take the kids everywhere
boys still have to go to classes, but girls already know everything

I know what you are thinking, but in my husband's defense, he is always working very hard, even nights, and his phone is just one of many tools he uses for that job. He is also great with the baby, but doesn't always know where she is in her schedule and checks to make sure he's not upsetting her routine. He's also always taking classes for his certifications, which I think makes him very smart.

B is for....

2010-09-16T13:38:00.002-04:00

Our sweet, sweet, out-of-the-box Jorja attends preschool for 3 hours a day, 5 days a week. This allows me time to focus more energy (and believe me, I need it) toward Jonah's schooling.

Each week they introduce a new letter and her awesome teacher asks that they bring in an item every Friday that begins with that week's letter. For example, for the letter M, Jorja brought in a manger. For the letter C, Jorja brought in the giant caterpillar we have on our counter. This week's letter is B. So last night, the family was saying the letter and the letter sound at the dinner table and naming as many things as we could think of that start with B. Books, babies, bottles, bibs...the list went on and on. Jorja finally agreed to take her Bitty Baby to school. But this was not her first choice. No, not at all. Her first choice was much different.

The conversation went something like this:

Jorja: B, buh, BEER!!

*Jason and I look at each other eyes wide, hiding smirks.*

Jorja: I'm going to bring beer to school!!

Me: No, you can't bring that to school.

Jorja: Why? All my friends bring drinks to school.

Just for clarification, her classmates, to my knowledge do not bring beer or any other alcoholic beverages. I'm thinking along the lines of juice and milk to go with their lunches.

Jason: They don't bring beer.

Jorja: I want to bring beer! I'm going to bring it for Ms. Mandy. I want to bring Ms. Mandy some BEER!

Me: No, you can't bring beer to school.

By this time, Jason and I were outright laughing at the situation. But Jorja was still very serious.

Jorja: I want to bring Ms. Mandy some beer. She will like it. Beer starts with B.

Thankfully, Jonah helped to convince her that Bitty Baby was a viable substitute. I can't wait for W, wuh, wine!

Conditioned Response

2010-09-10T21:42:00.002-04:00

Last year Jonah had dance Tuesday and Wednesday nights. Being pregnant and tired and not in the mood to chase Jorja and Josie around the studio, we had a routine of pulling up, letting Jonah out, and eating a snack in the van in the parking lot. The girls would watch a movie and I would read a book. It was a great plan, and as the year progressed the girls adopted popcorn as their snack of choice. I adopted The Harry Potter series as my reading material of choice. I actually began to look forward to dance nights. The girls were quiet (and restrained) and I could sit in all my huge gestational beauty and stuff my face while reading about teenage wizards and witches. Totally win-win.

This year is a bit different, but Thursday nights are once again a good night to chill out in the van. So I decided to pop a bag of popcorn and get ourselves ready to go. Book - check, drinks - check, kids loaded in the van - check...just grab the bag of popcorn out of the microwave and we are ready to go. And then, as I walked toward the door with the bag of buttery deliciousness...I had the overwhelming urge to read a Harry Potter book. Hermione, Ron, Ginny and of course, Harry went spinning through my mind. And then I realized that months of smelling popcorn each time I picked up a book had conditioned me to think of Hogwarts any time I eat popcorn.

Why I love this!!

2010-05-01T14:45:00.006-04:00

Well another year almost over and I've been a poor blogger at best.

I do have to say that while this year has had it's ups (it's almost over) and it's downs (my weekly decisions to abandon homeschooling) I can only look back and be thankful for the time I've had this year with my children.

I've loved it so much I just bought Jonah's math curriculum for next year. And I must say, it's incredibly rewarding to show your 8 year old daughter a stack of black and white Saxon books and hear "Oh, cool!" Yes, she is a geek of her mother's caliber, and I LOVE IT!

To get to the point of this post...

One of the things I love most about homeschooling is that my daughters work together and are not only learning, but are quickly learning how to learn. After finding a beetle on the back porch, they decided to look to the internet to settle an argument as to whether the beetle was male or female. So they googled.

And the beetle, to the best of their knowledge is a female.

Jorja learns a lesson

2009-12-17T11:48:00.005-05:00

...

And the lesson is:

Not my poop, not my mess, not my job.

On a good note, she can now clean a bathroom.

...

Did I forget this was here, you ask?

2009-12-04T13:17:00.005-05:00

Well, it really wouldn't surprise me if I did. I'm forgetting everything lately. Including, but not limited to: ordering checks, daily meals, laundry (no surprise there), calling the exterminator, and appointments.
The reason? Hormones.
Kickin', ragin', surplus hormones.
The same hormones that cause me to *hurp* all day. The same hormones that made me cry that life was too tough becuase I stubbed my toe. The same hormones that make babies grow.
June seems like it's so close, yet so far. Before I'm probably really ready, I'll be caring for a newborn and 3 deliriously crazy children.
And before you ask silly questions, remember, we "planned" this baby as much as any one couple can, and are thrilled to be having a baby. This is not a quest for a boy, as if having all of one sex somehow could leave anyone feeling like they lost out on life. It is simply our pleasure to play host to one more of God's precious gifts.
That being said...bring on the tums!! Really, this is an easy pregnancy in comparison to others I've had and I still just want to lie on the couch most afternoons. I am only days away from the blessed second trimester and I am itching for that promise of energy and food consumption. Yes!
Oh, and on those delicate subjects of laundry and school...well, they are getting done, just not with the flair I would like. Which is fine with me, I can't be good at everything, right?

Find the two year old...

2009-07-21T08:41:00.004-04:00

Josie has gotten into the habit of playing in her room and falling asleep in random places on the floor during nap time. There have been many days that when I peeked in on her I could not immediately find her. Friday was one of those days.

Yep, that's her under the rug.

She also decided sometime before she fell asleep that a pull-up was not necessary. She was wrong...

lessons, lessons, lessons...

2009-07-21T08:16:00.005-04:00

This week is lesson week. In the mornings, Josie and Jorja have swim lessons, and in the evening, Jorja and Jonah have dance. I'm not sure what possessed me to stack them like this, other than the desire to further complicate my days and cause me to fall completely into a haze of early dementia.

I am making daily lists of the days activities (because just entering everything into Outlook is not sufficient) and still managing to make constant idiotic mistakes.

In spite of all of this, my girls are having busy, fun-filled days and doing very well in their classes.

This is Josie's first year of swimming...we do ISR (Infant swimming Resource) and while it's a little expensive and quite time-consuming (every day for 6 weeks) it has proven to be very valuable to our children.

Here is a picture of Josie going for the wall during yesterday's lesson:

Summer dance is also this week. Jonah is trying out hip-hop and Jorja is taking a combo class of ballet and tap. She let me know this morning that she's good at it. No sense in being humble about these things...if you don't toot your horn, who will, right?

As expected...Jorja was a doll in her dance outfit:

She even pointed out that she had a bun in her hair to everyone she saw.

And here's a flashback for ya...Jonah before her first day of dance 4 years ago:

On the bright side...the puppies smell better.

2009-07-04T10:03:00.004-04:00

I had just finished cleaning up from breakfast while Jason was on a sabbatical in the bathroom. I needed to get clothes out for the girls, finish putting away a load of laundry and then we would make one quick stop on our way to the pool to enjoy some 4th of July revelries. Jason has been planning to wash the puppies this afternoon before moving them to their new home - a giant Briggs and Stratton generator box in my dining room. I've looked for years for just the right accent piece to really add a wow factor to that room. This box really accomplishes that, in exactly the wrong way. We might as well park a semi truck in there.

Going back into my bedroom, I realized that Josie decided to help us out today and wash the puppies herself. I happened to walk in to her with half a bottle of baby oil tipped over on the floor, and using a pedicure block as a sponge. The bottle had been full when she got to it. The smell was overwhelming. It almost covered the smell of puppy breath and pee mixed with dirt.

Three puppies were assaulted in the process. Red, Uno, and Lucky. I think Lucky got the worst of it. They all looked up unsure of what was happening, but happy to have the attention. And their coats have never been this shinny.

Cleanup was not bad, just 4 towels this time. But be careful in my bathroom, it's as slippery as an ice rink in there. One wrong move and you'll be sitting hard on your butt. Just ask poor Josie.

The importance of enunciation.

2009-06-26T11:13:00.002-04:00

This morning when I went in to get Josie out of bed, she looked up at me and said "mama, aye haf boo-boo om my 'and." So I picked her up and carried her into the living room to see what caused the boo-boo and give it a kiss. Only after we sat down and I was pulling her hand to my face, did I realize that my arm was slightly wet and she smelled funny.

No, not boo-boo on her hand...poo-poo on her hand. Yuck. I was going to kiss that. *hurp*

Let's play a game of "Guess that white substance..."

2009-06-24T11:45:00.003-04:00

If you guessed powdered sugar, you win!

I went into the living room just long enough for Josie to grab a "snack" for herself.

Me: "Josie, what are you doing?"

Josie: "Eating cake!"

Breakfast

2009-05-22T09:35:00.003-04:00

Wow, I'm a much cooler mom when there's no where to go in the morning.

Today I gave each of the girls a bowl of plain yogurt, a handful of berries, kid-friendly knives and and let them make their own breakfast.

Take a look:

Laundry Soap

2009-05-22T08:49:00.009-04:00

Becuase I think this is such a huge money saver I wanted to post about making your own laundry soap. With 5 people (3 of them little girls!), 6 dogs and constant potty training we go through a lot of detergent. I have to give credit to the Duggar family for this recipe. I got it off their site.

Below you will find step by step instructions with pictures to help you see how easy it is to make your own laundry soap and save money. My commentary is in italics.

To begin you will need:

4 Cups hot tap water
1 bar of Ivory
1 Cup Washing Soda
½ Cup Borax

The washing soda and Borax can be found on the laundry aisle of your grocery store. You might never have noticed them before...but they are there!

Grate bar of soap. I used the smaller grating side.

Add soap to saucepan with water. I actually got mine pretty hot before I added the soap and turned the burner back down once it was added. I would recommend adding it slowly...you may grab a child or husband to help you do this. It is much easier if the soap doesn't clump back up.

Stir continually over medium heat until soap dissolves and is melted. It gets a little foamy, but that's fine. Cook it until the water is clear...that means all the soap has melted.

Fill a 5 gallon bucket half full of hot tap water. I didn't take a picture of this...I think you can imagine what it looks like!

Add melted soap, washing soda and Borax.

Stir well until all powder is dissolved. Fill bucket to top with more hot water. You should notice that the liquid is thick at this point. It will be about the consistency of, well, laundry detergent.

Stir, cover and let sit overnight to thicken. Again, no pictures...if you like watching soap thicken you must also like watching paint dry and this blog is not for you (I hope!)

The next morning bright and early you can begin using your soap. Take an old detergent bottle from one of those overpriced brands you used to use before you became soap savvy and fill it half way with your soap. I use a Pyrex measuring cup and just put in 50 ounces if the dispenser holds 100 ounces, etc. Then I fill it up with plain water. You will have to give it a little shake each time you use it as it will gel up a little.

If you want to get fancy, you can also add smell to your soap. The Duggar recipe recommends: 10-15 drops of essential oil per 2 gallons. Add once soap has cooled. Ideas: lavender, rosemary, tea tree oil.

Here's how much to use per load.

-Top Load Machine- 5/8 Cup per load (Approx. 180 loads)

-Front Load Machines- ¼ Cup per load (Approx. 640 loads)

This recipie makes 10 gallons of soap for about $2. Now go to the grocery store and total what it would cost you to buy 10 gallons and treat yourself to a nice dinner out!

Produce!!

2009-05-21T20:55:00.005-04:00

Today was my first time as part of a local produce co-op and I love it!

Here is a picture of everything I got for $20 plus...

Here's the list of what's on the table that falls under the $20 plan

2 mangos (1 was extra this week)
6 ears of corn
a big bag of grapes
2 cucumbers
quart of strawberries
large head of romaine lettuce
bag of spinach
8 bananas
2 oranges
2 gala apples
1 red tomato
2 green tomatoes (1 was extra this week)
2 pears
10 potatos
8 onions

I say plus because the pineapple and watermelon were a whopping $2 and $4 extra. And they were quite large. I was very impressed. I put a pear in the picture for reference.

I've already put my $20 in for next week. AND my order for local honey...a pint for only $8.50. Go-o-o-o-o biscuits and honey!

Daddy's Girl

2009-05-12T22:15:00.003-04:00

We have a fun game around here of "who's girl are you?" It is very lighthearted and the girls take turns saying who's girl they are (mommy or daddy's) and Jason and I give hugs, kisses and big smiles when one of them picks us. They usually waver back and forth many times before the game finally ends.

Well, today was a rough day. I was on the phone - a lot - booking flights to California, the girls were bored, dinner was late, and I had the audacity to expect the girls to clean the playroom. Actually, not even the whole playroom. I had only asked that Jonah put away the blocks and Barbies and that Jorja put the dress-up clothes back in the bins. Well, after more than an hour of reminding and redirecting, I had had enough. A box of toys that I had separated out earlier this year left the room amid cries of "is it going in the trash?" Then I came back with a trash bag and began to stuff the dress-up clothes in. It was madness. I explained calmly...OK, I was pretty worked up, so calm was not even remotely possible...but I told them that the dress-up would come back when they were able to clean up what was already in there. Jonah sat bawling her eyes out that everything was going to end up in the dumpster. Not sure where that came from becuase we don't have a dumpster, but apparently, that's where dress-up clothes go until kids grow up and go get them for their daughters. Or so it was explained to me.

I was quick to point out that I had many more trash bags outside, and they better save the rest of the toys from the same fate by picking them up and putting them in their place before I had a chance to go get another. This got more response than anything else, and the playroom was mostly clean when I finally got so tired of waiting for Jason's meeting to end that I declared it was a MacDonald's night and to get in the van. Thankfully, Jason called while I was herding them to the garage and he pulled up just in time to hop into the van and drive.

The girls were in the back while we went through the drive through barking their orders at us. Like that has ever worked before. Finally, I made some unloving comments about being quiet and liking what they were given, and got a look from Jason that read "these are your kids you're talking to!" and I calmed down. One finger shake too late, though. From the back came the words "Daddy, I'm you're girl." Jason looked back at Jonah to ask why and was met with the most serious answer a grouchy seven year old could muster. "Because all I get to do all day is sit around the house cleaning up and getting yelled at by HER!"

I was dumbstruck, and couldn't help but snicker silently to myself while Jason handled the situation.

Sadly, Jonah is no longer my girl, I am no longer mommy. I have been reduced to her. At least until tomorrow morning.

Mother's Day

2009-05-11T12:18:00.005-04:00

Mother's Day was nice this year.

My husband and daughters are so sweet. They planted some flowers for me, made cards and blueberry muffins from scratch, and tried to pamper me in little ways all day. Oh, and the living room is primed for it's new coat of paint! Can't forget that one.

I did finally get the girl's Easter/Mother's day dresses finished and they wore them to church. I completely forgot to get good pictures of them before church, but here is one from after church taken with Jason's cell phone. It's no professional photo, but you get the gist.

Perhaps one day we can get a picture where they are all smiling sweetly, clothes neat, hair freshly combed, but until then, we get to have pictures like these to remind us that we have some of the quirkiest but most fun to live with kids I know.

Paint

2009-05-02T13:28:00.004-04:00

Since it's been a while since I took the time to write out one of our adventures here (and there has been no shortage) I thought I would rest my aching muscles for a minute and start one.

Today I decided that I would check off one of the many painting projects we have going around the house. Painting the table and chairs from the playroom. We've had this furniture since Jonah was 1, and it originally only came with one table and two chairs. Obviously, 3 girls do not fit at that table amicably anymore. So my dad made two more chairs. Let me tell you, he made the new ones look exactly like the original two. He's pretty awesome at woodworking. You can't tell the new from the old except that the old ones are colored all over, and well, painted.

Which brings me to today. I have had paint for some time, but we've always been too busy to actually do it. For the time being, they will just be white. That's easy to do, and if I decide later down the road to decorate, I can do so then. The plan was to get everything set up, unleash the kids on the back yard, and paint until lunch. I figured I should at least get everything base coated (two coats), and if I need another coat, I can do that during nap time and this evening, when everything would be dry I can assemble.

I had everything ready, and even had an awesome little 3 year old helper who was really good at taking the screws out of the chairs so we could paint them piece by piece. Of course, being 3, Jorja soon lost interest in taking the screws out and began jamming everything she could find into the screw holes and hopefully not completely stripping out all the threads. So she got the boot.

After I finished that, got everything laid out and started spraying primer, they flocked like flies. I had to keep yelling to them to get behind me and not in front of the spray, but they migrated downwind again and again. They were like little huffers. Standing there inhaling and commenting on the smell and how they were getting painted. After some more threatening, yelling, and waving them away, they went back to the swingset and embarked on some dangerous behavior that only went uncorrected becuase they were leaving me alone. I did have to yell a few "be careful's" and "don't wash your sister's hair with dirt" type comments just for appearances. Then there were a million "don't touches" especially to Josie who somehow discovered that dirt and boogers create such a strong substance they could be used to erect a pyramid. We don't need any of that wiped on the pretty white table and chairs.

So everything was primed and ready for the top coat of satin that I found in the garage and decided to use. But one look at the kids and the clock told me I better hold off and do bath and lunch first. They were a mess. I think dirtier than I've ever seen them. Mud, boogers, bug guts, oak tags...oh, and poop on the little one. I couldn't tell if they were three little girls or if someone had delivered children raised by wolves to my home.

I ushered them all into my bathroom for immediate cleansing. Jorja brought me bubble bath and I thought "what the heck". What the heck was right. I should have known it was going to get bad when Jorja held up a handful of bubbles and in her sweetest voice asked "bubble fight, mommy?" I told her no, we had to get some lunch, and then the antics began. Josie stood up with her bum covered in bubbles and Jonah laughed "Josie is wearing bubble panties!" So they all took turns mooning me and showing me their bubble undies over and over. It was one antic after another until Jorja got bubbles in her face and with body fully covered in bubbles, stared waving her arms around screaming. Bubbles were flying everywhere and each time her arms went down, they reloaded and a fresh batch of bubbles was launched. I finally had to jerk her out of the tub, wrap a towel around her and plop her butt on the floor. The others were given the same treatment just for being in the vicinity.

I made and cleaned up lunch, put the little one's in bed and have managed to get one side of all the pieces finished off with the satin top coat. For now, I've lost all will to paint. Hopefully it won't rain because I'm taking a nap and maybe Jason can finish the other side when he gets home from fishing.

The Frog

2009-04-09T21:48:00.004-04:00

Today the girls had a friend over and after some painting:

We all went into the back yard to play.

I was doing a little straightening on the porch when I spotted a tree frog. I waved the girls over to see it, but before they got to me the little sucker jumped onto my leg. It was wet and nasty and I screamed like a little girl and started hopping and flailing my arms and legs to get the little beast off before I got warts. The girls thought it was very entertaining and funny. But it started a trend.

They decided to catch the frog and that's when the theatrics began. Waving the net around, yelping, jumping back and yelling "you get it". All the wonderful girlie tactics to get attention.

Finally, Jorja pinned it by the sliding glass door. It really was not all that nasty looking.

Grace took over and after almost killing the frog, I got it into the net. Then the girls decided to keep the frog, and with some additional screaming, got it into a plastic cup.

Of course, after Grace left, I decided to spare the frog's life and let him go. And the screaming began again.

Why do I let them paint in my house?

2009-03-19T10:03:00.002-04:00

Seriously?

It always turns into an ulcer-inducing event for me.

I am so anal, that I only let them use one color paint at a time. NO MIXING! That is why I bought 20 different colors in the first place. If you don't see a color you want, pick another color.

And then there is the washing of the brushes. Half-assed washing and then dipping into the paint without dabbing on the paper towel is not allowed. Ick, then your paint gets gross and milky...it all looks like mud.

Oh, and somehow Josie managed to drop her paintbrush on the floor and it rolled end over end like a NASCAR crash until it landed bristles down on my carpet. Now I have another clean area with an orange dot in the middle. Right after that, she dumped the jar of blue paint on the floor and it splattered all up the window and my leg leaving me with blue paint on my jeans. At least they are my junky jeans. Thank goodness for small favors.

Ah, well, they had fun in spite of my high-strung parenting.

Our Snowboard Vacation - Part 2

2009-03-16T22:10:00.010-04:00

It's been so long since part 1, I'm not sure where to start. So we'll go back to how cold it was. Fortunately, Saturday was not nearly as frigid as Friday. It was, dare I type this...bearable. Of course, I was not really interested in getting back out on a snowboard. Ever. I was frustrated, sore, and felt like I was slowing Shaun White...er, Jason down. So I sent he and Jonah out and had some down time with the little kids. Jonah did well, but still had some issues with stopping. And maybe a few with standing. It seems that she spent more time eating snow and making snow angels than skiing.

Jason did enjoy throwing a snowball or two himself.

Being the wonderful husband he is, Jason talked me into getting back out there, so I did. Ouch! I was feelin' my age. Actually, I was feelin' my grandmother's age. But I persevered. OK, I quit after one trip down the mountain. I managed to get myself onto the lift and more importantly, back off the lift and drag my mangled self to the room. After a nice warm lunch and some rest, I was ready to take up space on the warm couch and watch movies with the kids.

Jason and his brother Jordan went out that night and did some night skiing (no thank you!) and I got to spend time with my cutie pies watching...you guessed it...more movies.

Sunday was by far the most awesome day. Saturday night we got 4 inches of snow and the snow continued on throughout the day. I have finally seen "powder" East Coast style. Looking down from our window, the snow was so white!! It really hurt your eyes at first.

The snow was soft and had much more cushion than the previous two days. I was finally starting to get the hang of snowboarding again, and some of the soreness from day 1 was wearing off.

And then...cockiness. Yeah. A byproduct of getting the hang of it is pain. Pain brought about by humiliating falls trying to perform the simplest of moves: turning quickly.

People are very nice when you are laying flat on your back with your head facing downhill. They try very hard not to ski over you and you even get the occasional "are you okay?" I found that a thumbs up was sufficient to get them back on their way, though. Now I understand why so many snowboarders were wearing headgear. I'll remember that for next time. Snicker. Next time...

Now, the amount of snow we got Saturday night was great. But the amount they were calling for Sunday night was just plain scary. Another 8 inches. The van was covered enough for my liking Sunday.

So we made the decision to escape Sunday afternoon and try to get off the mountain before we were snowed in. Good choice, because Snowshoe got another 9 inches Sunday night. We left after lunch and the roads were just wild!

Here is my view from the side mirror (notice the snow on the side of the van)

And at one point, Jonny and Barbara's vehicle completely disappeared when the wind blew snow across the road. Yes, there is a car in front of us in this picture. Being silver, it completely disappeared.

We drove on through the night and arrived home at about 3 am Monday morning completely exhausted, but so happy to have such a great trip together.

"Hey, kids! Who had fun?!"

Ah, well, 2 out of 3 isn't bad.

God, can you hear me up there?

2009-03-16T17:14:00.002-04:00

That's what I keep hearing Jorja say (and Josie repeat) across the baby monitor right now. Wow, have I been in her shoes. Guess I need to go let her know that He does...

The Steadfast Love of the Lord

2009-03-10T07:24:00.002-04:00

Psalm 33

Shout for joy in the Lord, O you righteous!
Praise befits the upright.
Give thanks to the Lord with the lyre;
make melody to him with the harp of ten strings!
Sing to him a new song;
play skillfully on the strings, with loud shouts.

For the word of the Lord is upright,
and all his work is done in faithfulness.
He loves righteousness and justice;
the earth is full of the steadfast love of the Lord.

By the word of the Lord the heavens were made,
and by the breath of his mouth all their host.
He gathers the waters of the sea as a heap;
he puts the deeps in storehouses.

Let all the earth fear the Lord;
let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him!
For he spoke, and it came to be;
he commanded, and it stood firm.

The Lord brings the counsel of the nations to nothing;
he frustrates the plans of the peoples.
The counsel of the Lord stands forever,
the plans of his heart to all generations.
Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord,
the people whom he has chosen as his heritage!

The Lord looks down from heaven;
he sees all the children of man;
from where he sits enthroned he looks out
on all the inhabitants of the earth,
he who fashions the hearts of them all
and observes all their deeds.
The king is not saved by his great army;
a warrior is not delivered by his great strength.
The war horse is a false hope for salvation,
and by its great might it cannot rescue.

Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear him,
on those who hope in his steadfast love,
that he may deliver their soul from death
and keep them alive in famine.

Our soul waits for the Lord;
he is our help and our shield.
For our heart is glad in him,
because we trust in his holy name.

Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us,
even as we hope in you.

Irony

2009-02-28T00:01:00.000-05:00

The Potty Book got peed on.

Our Snowboard Vacation - Part 1

2009-02-27T22:13:00.012-05:00

This one is going to be long. There is just so much to say about our trip, the mountains, the snow, and family. I think I will start with the first couple days here and finish with a second post later.

Our adventure began Thursday morning at 5 am. Yes, I was awake at 5 am and it was not because I was pulling an all nighter. We loaded sleeping kids in the car with the intent of stopping at about 7 (when they woke up) for breakfast. HA! Once again, we underestimated our kids. They were all wide awake as we pulled out of the driveway and #1 and 3 cat-napped briefly on the way. Jorja would not nap. At all. It was not great. We're talking a minimum of 12 hours in a car with a kid high on Gatorade. Every time the cup was emptied, it got chucked at the driver's seat. Thank goodness the kid throws like a girl or we could have been in serious trouble.

The drive was great, we only stopped twice on the first third or so of the trip for breakfast (and potty break) and lunch (also with potty break). I drove into VA and then just over the state line to WV. We were hoping to see snow early in the trip, but finally after driving through Big Walker Mountain Tunnel, we saw our first flurries. It was truly awesome. We had gotten the girls attention just to see the tunnel. Jason called it, though. He said that he had been through there before when it was not snowing going in, but on the other side of the mountain there was snow. The girls were screaming from excitement. Oh, who am I kidding, they scream for any reason, or none at all. This time it was warranted, though.

We found a Starbucks shortly after and froze our little Floridian butts off getting from the van inside to yet again, pee. I savored a white chocolate mocha as Jason drove us up to the worst roads in the continental US. This was NOT my favorite part of the trip. I tried to capture the horror of these tiny little roads I have not-so-affectionately named "Kiss Your Own Arse Trail".

The GPS just showed a squiggly line going up the mountain:

Foggy, wet and curvy:

Non-stop turns:

I was never able to get a good picture of the guard-rails because we were plowing through the roads like bats out of hell, but I might have been a little less concerned about our safety had they not been quite so mangled. It looked like about every 3 turns in the road someone got a little crazy and used a guardrail to keep their pickup on the road. One would think that the state of WV would keep them nice and straight to encourage more people to visit, but I guess when you're all full of moonshine and squirrel, you don't really care how comfy the visitors are. Yes, I went there.

By the time we made it to the resort, it was about 5:30 pm and we were in the throes of a full on blizzard. OK, I exaggerate, but for this Sunshine State girl, 10 degrees, dark and windy is not a lot of fun. Poor kids were all in track suits with ski jackets. It would have taken 3 minutes for full frostbite on their legs, but we had a 50 foot run from the unloading area to the door of our building. Speaking of, this place was nice. Real nice. Think cousin Edie when you read that. We were right behind the bunny slope, and had an awesome view of the slopes. This picture was taken from the back door of the building.

Alright, confession time. And I may never admit this in real life, but I love West Virginia. I actually love snow. Once you are dressed appropriately (read that as "not trying to look cute, but keeping warm") it's really not all that cold and it's so crisp and clean. This trip and Jamaica are probably my top two favorite trips ever. I didn't even wear makeup the whole weekend! Sure, I scared the wildlife, but it was nice not to take that extra 3 minutes out of every day.

I also realized that thirty-something is not the time to re-learn to snowboard. One can easlity suffer minor concussions and whiplash from the inevitable falls that take place when you strap both feet to a board and plummet uncontrollably down a mountain. And this was a big stinkin' mountain! I did, however, try to look as stylish as possible doing it!

And so did Jason (Va-va-va-voom!)

And then there were the girls...Jonah and Jorja took to the snow like little yankees at heart.

Josie was not so sure about it. She was not interested in touching the snow, and within minutes of being out there, had huge crocodile tears streaming down her icy cheeks.

She spent most of her time clinging to Gigi:

Now, to make Snowshoe even cooler, they haul in a huge load of snow to the middle of the village for the kids to play in. There are areas the kids can climb, slide down, and even tunnels.

And when we got done with it, there was one more tunnel/slide.

Jonah went to ski school the first day and of course, the camera battery died after just one picture, but you can see that while they said she was very good at skiing, she was not very good at stopping. She gets it from her mother. Poor kid.

Poop? or Chocolate?

2009-02-27T12:15:00.002-05:00

What do you think?

If you guessed chocolate your right! However, if you guessed poop, you are also right. Two spots, two substances, two feet away.

Mystery spots on the carpet are never good.

It's a glamorous life.

And I thought they were playing so well...

2009-01-30T21:56:00.006-05:00

That's what I get for posting "25 random things about me" on Facebook.

It gave sweet little Josie time to join the ranks. She has been initiated now, she has been accepted as a full member of her sisters' little "make mommy crazy" club.

It began when Jonah ran into my room feigning shock, "mommy, you have to see this!" In the most dramatic voice she could muster. My skin crawls when she uses this phrase. If Jonah is pretending to be offended by something, it has to be bad. "The bathroom is a swimming pool!"

No. No, no, no.

So I get up as quickly, yet as slowly as I can. Knowing that the longer it takes to get there, the longer I can put off my complete mental breakdown. "What happened?" I ask as if I did not know the answer. Images of Josie with a damp shirt and hair flash through my mind. Her with no pants on and me asking if she went pee-pee. It's all coming together now. She went potty. She tried to wash her hands. She plugged the sink and left the water on. I squeak out the question as if I'm moving in slow motion, "did you at least turn the water off?"

She nods. Jonah has saved me from at least another gallon of water.

I approach the bathroom to find slightly bubbly water on the floor, my eyes move up, the sink is flooded over onto the counter and water is running onto the floor. Now, I know it is hard to see here, but the water on the floor was 1/2 inch deep.

Of course, Jonah is in "I-didn't-screw-up-I'll-score-points-by-helping-fix-it" mode. So she grabs one of my good white bath towels...the really nice expensive ones I don't even offer to guests. She throws it on the floor. I sigh, grumble some nasty things and yell "everyone OUT!"

Cleanup goes well. The carpet in the hall was soaked so I headed across the house to get more towels and come upon this:

I guess Josie saw the chaos on the other end of the house and decided to grab the TP and run. I hope it was fun.

I rolled that back up, carried more towels to sop the carpet and realized Josie was MIA again. I did notice the two tubes of pink toothpaste in the living room and sighed at my now beige and pink polka-dot carpet.

I finally found Josie behind my bed. With the drawer to Jason's nightstand open and an empty bottle of Astroglide in her hand. There was a puddle of it on the floor. All Josie had to say for herself was "yucky." It was the icing on the cake, so to speak.

Yet, still, I had to laugh. I love these crazy children. I thanked God for reminding me how much I love them, for better or worse. Who would have guessed that it would take a 19 month old on a destruction spree to snap me out of my funk today.

"Mommy, bad news. I'm blind in this eye."

2009-01-29T14:43:00.003-05:00

That's what I was just told. She was looking in a view finder and couldn't see anything on the left side. "But sometimes," she says, "the picture is just upside down." So...it's for sure...either she's blind or maybe the viewfinder is broken. But it's one of those.

Hypochondriac. And I say that in only the most loving way possible.

Signs that you are potty training

2009-01-29T13:59:00.003-05:00

Your 18 month old stands in the middle of the living room screaming "POO-POO!" and you run to her like a bomb is going off.
You have on hand (at all times) clean cloths and Resolve Pet Odor and Stain Remover. You panic when the bottle is low.
You have 3 - yes 3 - potty seats. A cute pink one on the floor, one that attaches to the toilet, and a portable for the van.
You do loads of laundry based loosely on what color the wet panties are.
If someone removes the potty book from the bathroom, it's grounds for a spanking.
One of your toddler's favorite things to say is "Bye, Bye, Poo-poo." as she flushes the toilet.
Your favorite sound is of pee or poop breaking the surface of the water in the toilet, instead of hitting the floor.

I have Tourettes of the brain today.

2009-01-28T13:12:00.005-05:00

I have thought more dirty words about people in the last few hours than most sailors in a lifetime.

Not the REEEEEEALLY dirty word, mind you. Let's just say I have called into question the character of the mother of so many people around me. Especially if you happen to meet me in traffic. Or send me unwanted mail.

Thank goodness we have church tonight.

Making progress...

2009-01-26T15:48:00.001-05:00

5 down,
5 to go.

Jason will be so proud...
until he sees the stacks of laundry on the bed.

Mwaaaahahaha!

Laundry count

2009-01-26T11:33:00.002-05:00

3 down,
7 to go.

Yikes.

And I just hit my funny bone...adding insult to injury I tell ya.

Of Most Importance

2009-01-23T13:57:00.000-05:00

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;; Praise Him, all creatures here below;; Praise Him above, ye Heavenly Host;; Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.

Our New President

2009-01-20T13:35:00.003-05:00

We watched history unfold today for school. We discussed the metamorphosis in this country from a nation of slave-owners to a nation with it's first African American President. I once again teared up over the blessing I have to teach my child in my home. This was another special day in our home.

Jonah asked if she could draw a picture of president Obama. I think she did a great job.

GUM!

2009-01-19T22:15:00.004-05:00

Ask my kids how often they get gum. They will tell you not very often...and this is an example of why they don't:

Now, I know you are asking yourself...how did the gum get on the back of her head like that? Please, isn't it obvious? It's not...yeah, I have no idea either.

Say cheese!

2009-01-19T22:10:00.003-05:00

This is Josie's cheese face, just in case you have never had the pleasure. It always gets a smile out of me.

Time out failure...and some of my artwork

2009-01-19T22:03:00.004-05:00

Jorja is quite a kid. It's really hard to find a place in the house that she cannot entertain herself. She was told to stand against the wall for getting out of bed, and decided she could do without the paint color. So she removed it.

While sitting there trying to decide whether or not to shake her, I relaxed with an art project...and this little guy was born:

I guess it's time to repaint.

Jonah lost her first tooth!!

2009-01-17T09:02:00.005-05:00

She pulled it out herself. Somehow, she managed to get a blanket stuck on it (don't ask...this is just how my children work) and when she finally got it free, the tooth was bleeding. She was a little freaked out, but I gave her a damp paper towel to wipe the blood off her lips and she calmed down.
She kept saying it hurt, so I told her it would probably feel better just to get the tooth out. She didn't want me to touch it. I know this because she screamed a blood curdling "don't touch it!"
So she began to pull. I thought I was going to toss my cookies. She would pull a little, grunt a little, grimace, her hand would slip and she would start again. The whole time I'm trying to keep my cool and not dry heave loud enough for her to realize what was happening, and be encouraging. "Oh, Jonah, great job!" hurp. "Wow, this is so...uuurrp...exciting." Maybe if you...uuuuhhhh, hurp...twist it a little it will loosen more."
Then I noticed Jorja looking at me wondering what was wrong, so I had to give her the big fake smile. "Oh, Jorja...uumpf...Isn't this great, Jonah is such a...hurp...big girl!"
Finally, *shudder* she gave it a couple good twists and a tug and it came loose. Bloody and full of gunk. It was a barftastic moment in our home. Poor daddy missed it.
The tooth next to it is so loose that it doesn't even stand up straight anymore. I tell Jonah it's looking at where it's friend was and wondering where it went!

2009-01-09T09:55:00.006-05:00

Since getting Guitar Hero, we have a different sort of family time. The kind the Partridge Family had, only with less raw talent. The girls love it, and we have to play “Livin’ on a prayer” every time.

Wanna know why I haven't been blogging?

2008-12-22T07:09:00.004-05:00

Because my priorities are out of whack. (what exactly does "in whack" mean?)

Instead, this is how I should feel:

Psalm 127
A Song of Ascents. Of Solomon.

127:1 Unless the Lord builds the house,
those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
the watchman stays awake in vain.
2 It is in vain that you rise up early
and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
for he gives to his beloved sleep.

3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children of one's youth.
5 Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

I need to commit this to memory, especially the parts in bold. I think my days would go much better if I could live this out. It seems to me that verse 2 affects how well I remember verse 3, and verse 3 greatly affects my ability to do verse 2.

On that note, blessing 3 is waking up, and I'm going to take the opportunity to snuggle her before blessings 1 and 2 wake up.

Jonah's Pilgrim Poem

2008-11-19T14:31:00.002-05:00

Jonah wrote this poem today:

Some were cold
some were old

We ate corn
and babies were born

We scrubbed
while others rubbed

Thank you, God!

Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant....

2008-11-13T16:00:00.003-05:00

Poor little ants. They had no shot at life in this house. We started with 17 keepers (lost two right out of the package). In this picture we had 3 hanging on to life. But today there is one lonely ant repairing tunnels. You can see where these three created a little ant burial mound. They dismembered and drug each ant up to the top and buried it. So sad. There are still several on the sides and in the bottom not even pictured here. Uncle Milton would not approve.

DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!

2008-11-13T12:25:00.004-05:00

Our Chicken Mummy is wrapped.

Apparently, we had an extra-juicy chicken. (Tyson, eat your heart out!) But it was finally dry enough to wrap, so today was the day. The smell was very faint compared to those first few weeks. Although, Jonah did say "this smells like a dog", and Jorja responded with "no, it smells like poop!" I think it smelled of rotten cloves.

The girls lost interest in wrapping toward the end, so they watched cartoons while I prettied it up.

Enjoy the slide show:

I was just gluing something...

2008-11-10T11:32:00.004-05:00

And was reminded of the time a tube of superglue burst open on my hands. It was all over me and the counter.

WARNING: do not for any reason relax your hand while it's covered in superglue. Keep it as straight and open as possible. If you let it close, it will stick together. Your only option is to test every chemical in your house to see which one unsticks your fingers from your thumb. Your children will think it's funny. It's not all that funny when you try to pull it apart, though, it hurts. However, three days later, after washing and lotioning two hundred times, all the glue will eventually come off, and then it's funny.

We learned about the Phoenicians Today!

2008-11-04T15:35:00.004-05:00

And as a fun (and tasty) activity, we made Phoenician bread (AKA: pita bread). It was really pretty easy and actually tasted good. Mommy might keep this recipe on hand and use it for making sandwiches and to go with occasional meals.

Here is a slide show of our bread making:

Dressing them up is so much fun.

2008-10-31T21:33:00.006-04:00

Wednesday was Jorja's Halloween festivities at preschool. I did not realize until that morning that they were to wear costumes. So I went digging and thankfully a costume that we had borrowed for Jonah 4 years ago was still in the closet. *My Bad*

So I threw it on her and she was absolutely fabulous:

Dorothy has not been so cute since Judy Garland.

And then there was tonight. Jonah really got into the "rock star" theme.

We may need to censor her High School Musical and Camp Rock watching for a while.

Our pumpkin this year turned out pretty cool, too. We used a dremmel and even though it sprayed pumpkin goo all over Jason, it was pretty easy.

Jonah got it, too.

2008-10-20T16:18:00.001-04:00

But she seems fine now. Please, please, let us be on the mend.

A plague upon this house!

2008-10-20T09:26:00.004-04:00

The two little ones are regurgitating.

Jorja started with #3 last night at dinner. (#3, by definition is #2 in liquid form. My friend Dinah and her family are to be credited with that one)

Sushi was a bad idea, that's for sure. She was being a very big girl, too. She kept asking to go to the potty, and then, well...you know.

At about 2:30 last night Jonah came to our room and told us Jorja was going to throw up. She kept making "hwah, hwah, hwah" sounds. When I finally came out of my sleep coma, I smelled it. Much like the liberal media, Jonah had only reported half the story, there was, in fact, vomit already. On Jorja, on her bed, pillow, blankie, Jonah's bed, and, of course Jorja.

Once Jason and I got the mess all cleaned up, I assumed the position on the couch with Jorja on a pallet next to me. Sometime later, maybe 4 am, Jorja began to whine. She wanted juice. I gave her a small sip of gatorade and some Emetrol and it was mere seconds before she launched that into the toilet. What a trooper. Obviously hurting and whining, she still managed to keep it in the toilet. The kid has aim, that's for sure. Then she turned and gave the toilet a what for from the other end. She actually smiled when it was over.

Once round two was over and cleaned up, we headed back for our pillows and slept for a few hours (me, not so much, waiting for round 3) until Josie woke us up around 8. Thank you Josie for sleeping in!!

Unfortunately, within 15 minutes Josie went to tossing cookies as well. She looked scared at first, since this is her first time throwing up like that, but I rushed her into the bathroom and set her on the side of the sink, where, in true Josie fashion, she finished throwing up while seeming to really not mind. Her motto will someday be "go with the flow".

So here sits a tired and kind of grossed out mommy, sipping coffee and waiting to see if our last round of gatorade stays down.

Sometimes you just have to "hug it out"

2008-10-17T15:16:00.002-04:00

When you poop, that is.

Jorja has pooped on the potty two days in a row, without being reminded. This is a very, very big deal. Only, she was having a little trouble with it, and asked me if I could help. She needed me to "hug it out" for her. So I gave her a big squeeze and "viola" we achieved a big girl poo.

That might sound a little sick to some of you, but this pales in comparison to my adventures in the Corn Maze porta-potty with Jorja today. Ick. I am waaaayyy to citified for that mess. I was holding on until I had to bend over to pull up her panties and skort. And then...*hurp* it was bad. It stunk. And there I was leaning into it. *hurp* I quickly threw the door open and pushed Jorja out to finish getting her clothes on.

So my praise for the day is: "Thank you, most omnipotent God, for plumbing. I would be a mess without it. Amen."

I'm gonna start crying...

2008-10-16T16:12:00.003-04:00

Just a warning. I'm going into Josie's room to clean out the clothes that are too small. This happens every time with her. It's the knowledge that she will more than likely (like 99.999999999999999999999%) be my last wearing all those cute dresses. And the shoes...*sigh*

Don't get me started on the burp rags, nursing covers, socks, rattles, bibs. It's just overwhelming.
This darn uterus...darn hormones.

Why do preschool teachers love glitter so much?

2008-10-16T08:40:00.003-04:00

I opened up Jorja's backpack yesterday to find an orange carrot shape covered in glitter. Her entire backpack was filled with shinny orange specks. Including her changes of clothes. I took it to the garage in attempt to stop the infestation (this stuff spreads like gossip in a Baptist church) but it was too late. My house already looks like the Great Pumpkin farted orange sparkles all over it. Thank goodness I love to vacuum and dust, or this might tick me off.

We are finally back home.

2008-10-13T09:59:00.002-04:00

And I'm not going anywhere I have to carry luggage to for quite a while.

I have to say, the last two weeks have been alot of fun, but man, I'm wiped out. Two cups of coffee and nothing! I still just want to lie on the couch and snooze all day.

However, I'm being a good girl and catching up the laundry, preparing for school...all that "good mommy" junk that we do so no one else finds out how lazy we stay at home mom's really are.

Jonah is having a bath...

2008-10-07T15:10:00.003-04:00

I promised her a fun bath in our Jacuzzi tub with lots of bubbles. There are so many, you can only see her head.

She is in there now singing "Sovereign Grace":

Sovereign grace o’er sin abounding,
Waves of love in power swell;
‘Tis a deep that knows no sounding,
Who its breadth or length can tell?
On its glories, on its glories
Let my soul forever dwell.

Chorus:
Sovereign grace,
It reaches the depths of my sin
And kindles a fire within.
Lord, shed it anew
And fix all my passions on You
By sovereign grace.

What from Christ my soul can sever,
Bound by everlasting bands?
Once in Him, in Him forever
The eternal cov’nant stands;
None can pluck me, none can pluck me
From the Father’s mighty hands.

Heirs of God, joint heirs with Jesus,
Long ago this gift was won;
To His name eternal praises!
Oh! what wonders He has done!
One with Jesus, one with Jesus,
By eternal union one.
On such love I’ll ever ponder,
Love so great, so rich, so free;
Ever asking, lost in wonder,
Why, O Lord, such love to me?
Hallelujah, hallelujah,
Grace will reign eternally.

Leaving again.

2008-10-07T07:35:00.003-04:00

Since we are unpacking/packing from Disney and for Atlanta I'm going to have to put a Disney recap on hold.

I might get in one day or so of trip description, and let me tell you, that first night was a doosie.

In the mean time, check out my big girls on the way down...

We made the pink princess pillows as a craft the week before...Jorja had such fun with the stuffing, she decided to decorate the living room with it. Nothing like gathering poly-fill balls off a 10 foot radius in your living room!

Back from Disney...

2008-10-06T15:06:00.001-04:00

Brain is fried.

Here's a pic to tide you over...

I just taught Jorja how to properly pee on the floor.

2008-09-26T18:05:00.004-04:00

Today I have been very busy with laundry, packing, cleaning, and watching The Office Season 4 Disk 2.

Jorja has been doing a fabulous job of peeing on the potty. Until 6 pm. That is when she came to me and said "Mommy! I got clean panties!" There was that sinking feeling. The one you get when you know you are about to clean urine or feces of something or someone. *sigh*

So we tracked down the pee spot. Holy carp. it was 10 inches wide by at least 4 feet long. On Monday I bought a bottle of Resolve Pet Stain and Odor. Today I emptied the bottle. That is just not right. So after spraying the heck out of the spot until my arm was tired, I asked Jorja, "What did you do...walk while you peed?" Her answer, not surprisingly, was "yes." So I found myself telling her to please make sure and stand in one place while she wet her pants. Ugh. I need a vacation.

Oh, and the panties are still MIA. I am sure I will just love where I find them.

I love Woot-Offs!!

2008-09-24T10:04:00.003-04:00

Every once in a while something awesome happens in the techno-geek world. Woot.com decides to sell off all it's extra stock (read: clean out it's warehouse) and has a Woot-off.

You can get some amazing deals during a woot-off, unfortunately you do not get any sleep (not if you're committed to the woot-off) nor do you accomplish anything. I have been trying to avoid this Woot-off because I am trying to recover from being sick and need my sleep, and because I love my family.

However, this little gem did not escape my grasp (thanks to Brad who has been watching Woot!).

WOOT!!

Jorja peed on my floor from two shelves up.

2008-09-23T16:09:00.002-04:00

This kid...*sigh*

I am going to start this one with a good note. While I was sick, Jorja decided to take care of me. She laid down next to me, rubbed my back, and sang "Nothing but the blood of Jesus" softly in my ear. She oozes cuteness.

However, she also excretes other stuff...

Apparently, if faced with multiple urges, she's going to go with the one that fills her tummy first. And sometimes that means climbing two shelves high in the pantry trying to reach the Princess Gummies and relieving herself all over the floor of the pantry. Our apple juice jugs and miscellaneous other food items are now nice and clean waiting to be used.

I have aseptic meningitis.

2008-09-23T16:04:00.003-04:00

Or maybe "had" is a better term. Most of my symptoms are gone.

And take my word for it, it's not as fun as it sounds. One symptom is the inability to blog. Another is the inability to do any housework. Laundry included. Since we are heading to Disney (woot) in a couple days, I am trying to get the laundry caught up posthaste. This (paired with a mile long "to do" list) caused major laundry backup on my dining room table. It was obscene. If I had been able to find my camera, I would have taken a picture, but since I have an innate ability to loose cameras before any kind of vacation, it was hiding in the car. Don't ask...

I am feeling much better now, thanks for asking...but apparently the "swelling around my brain" is still causing some headaches. Nothing a few thousand Tylenol can't take care of, though!

I missed ITLAPD

2008-09-23T16:03:00.001-04:00

I was sick. I'm so sad. I guess I will have to be twice as "piratey" next year.

I joined Facebook

2008-09-16T09:30:00.001-04:00

Add me as your friend.

That is all.

Jorja speaks in the third person, and Jorja likes coffee.

2008-09-11T14:48:00.003-04:00

Funny that Jonah is studying pronouns, because Jorja could use a lesson or two. She often asks questions in the third person.

"Is Jorja going to take a nap?" She will ask.

Today I was told, "Jorja is allowed to have coffee. Jorja likes coffee."

Oh, poop.

Yeah, I realized two things today, first, I have a small addiction to caffeine. Second, It's a big fat mistake to leave coffee on the table.

Let's address them in that order. For two days I have had a headache. I am drinking water, I took Advil...nothing. Then I realized. I haven't taken time to make myself a cup of coffee. Uh-oh. I'm going through DT's. Shaky, moody, headache...yeah, that sounds like caffeine withdrawal symptoms to me. So I am not only addicted to stroller shopping (ahem - we will address that later) but I am also addicted to a cup of morning Joe. I can live with that.

So moving onto revelation #2. *sigh* After I got my fix this morning, and Jonah and I were finishing up school, I got up from the table with my coffee still sitting at my place. Apparently, Jorja decided to try it (mental note: never leave a cup of bleach, acid, turpentine, or boiling water on the table...Jorja will drink it). She proudly announced to me that not only did she like it, but she was allowed to drink it. Now, this is a problem we are dealing with a lot lately. Jorja proclaims she is allowed to do a lot of things. Like mommy and daddy are so naive that we will just say "oh, well, if your allowed to do it, by all means, drink bleach!" Somehow, our discipline techniques fail.

So what is a mom to do when she realizes her 2 year old is about to go into warp mode? Do I dare drink another cup in an effort to keep up with her and risk instant coronary catastrophe? Or do I hydrate myself, do some stretches, and wait for the workout to begin? I chose #2. I'm still wondering if that was the correct choice.

After about an hour, she seemed to be alright, and I had a couple errands to run, so we loaded up the car (Jorja was already loaded-ha, ha) and headed to a bookstore. I know what you're thinking. Bookstore? Three kids? Do you not learn, woman? No, I don't. Newsflash: I'm stubborn and will not admit defeat. Not until I've alienated an entire store. So, after Jorja did one lap around Rock Solid (a home school curriculum bookstore, so they are used to those nasty, uneducated little antisocial home school types) the very patient saleswoman told them to pick out a movie to watch while I shopped. All I needed was one math workbook. That's it. But the clearance shelf got me. I only bought one Little House book, though, so don't fret. However, the caffeine started to kick in somewhere around lap 2 (OK, obviously before, but that's when it hit me that it hit her).

I paid and evacuated as quickly as possible. But we still needed milk, and my second errand was to buy some knock-off crocks at Walmart. So we swung into the Wally-world by the airport (it's far enough away from the house, I'm sure I won't run into anyone there again, anyway). So I had to throw Jorja into the back of the buggy because they didn't have the nifty kind like Publix does with the bench for the big kids and the baby seat, too. Mis-take! I fought her to sit down the whole time. She wanted the shinny shoes, she wanted to open the milk, she wanted this, that and the other. Everyone knew what she wanted. At one point, after screwing the top of the milk for the 152nd time, she yelled "Everyone! This is milk, I can open it!" Shopping. Trip. Over.

Thankfully, she came down on the way home, waayyyy down. She's still sleeping now, thank goodness, maybe I can get some work done in the kitchen and make dinner. Or, I can go lay on the couch...just for 15 minutes or so, you know, cat nap, then I'll get to work.

Ahhhh, yeah....

2008-09-09T17:14:00.006-04:00

My husband is the best!! And I have some strollers to list on Craigslist!

He just let me buy this little number. It's the last I could find. I've been looking for weeks for one in stock, gave up and almost bought a cheap imitation today, but somehow I stumbled across this one:It's a thing of beauty. And it got great reviews!

Read and be amazed at it's awesomeness:

The Chicco Città Twin Stroller has a rugged yet lightweight frame that ways only 29 pounds! The Città Twin will meet both of your children’s needs with its independently adjusting five-position reclining seats and sun canopies. The five-point harnesses, adjustable leg rests, and all wheel suspension make for a safe and comfortable ride. The Città Twin has double the storage for double the passengers with its two storage baskets to carry all those baby and parent necessities. With its lockable swivels on the front wheels and its compact, umbrella-style fold, the Città Twin Stroller is easy to maneuver and transport.

Product Features

Lightweight frame - only 29 pounds
Independently adjustable canopies, leg rests, and five-position reclining seats
Five-point safety harnesses and lockable swivels
All wheel suspension
Double the storage for double the passengers with two storage baskets
Compact umbrella-style fold

Boo-Yah!

Mommy likes politics...sometimes too much...

2008-09-09T07:24:00.003-04:00

To all my liberal friends (umm, both of you) I apologize in advance. This was humor wasted on a 6 year old.

Last week The girls and I made a diaper run to BJ's. In the checkout line a very nice woman was behind us, and asked if I could watch her cart (with 2 small children) while she ran to grab something she forgot. They were quiet so I agreed (I'd like to observe quiet children for a minute - sort of a case study kind of thing). She was gone much longer than I expected...actually I was almost checked out by the time she got back with an armload of ketchup and spices. (Don't get me started) While she was gone, Jonah pushed her cart forward in line and talked to her baby girl in the basket. Jonah told her what a cute baby girl she had, and the woman thanked her. They spoke for a moment and I overheard Jonah say "I didn't know she was a girl...I thought she was a boy." Which was silly, since she said earlier she thought she was cute.

Here is the conversation that followed in the parking lot...

Me: Jonah, sweetheart, I heard what you daid to the lady in the store. I just want you to know that you could hurt someone's feelings by telling them you thought their little girl was a boy.

Jonah: Well, I didn't know it was a girl.

Me: But you had just said you thought her little girl was cute, so you did know. It just wasn't the nicest thing to say. I'm letting you know, it's best not to do it again.

Jonah: But I was just saying it because she doesn't really look alot like a girl...

Me: Jonah, you are missing my point, it's not important why you said it, I'm just telling you that it could have hurt her feelings, and it's not the kind of thing you tell someone.

Jonah: (Miscellaneous arguing while I'm hoisting giant boxes of diapers and wipes into the car)

Me: (getting frustrated) Listen Jonah, I'm not going to argue with you about this. If you just accept you were wrong and say "yes m'am, I'm sorry and I won't do it again" it makes you a nice little girl. If you instead argue and make excuses, it makes you a Democrat!

Jonah: (holding back tears) But..but...I don't want to be a Democrat!!

Me: Oh, baby, I'm sorry, that was a joke, your not a democrat.

Oops.

Third time's the charm

2008-09-04T21:23:00.001-04:00

Here she is, perfection in a cute little blue-eyed baby...

This is what Josie did Wednesday during homeschool:

*sigh*

So sweet.

...

Jorja's second day of school

2008-09-04T21:16:00.003-04:00

Much better at pickup time...wow.

And the best news, well, I'll let you guess...take a look at the before school and after school pictures...

Ding, ding, ding!! Those of you who have recently potty trained got it, didn't you? For the rest of you suckas, she's wearing the same clothes! She didn't have any accidents at school. I may actually survive potty training her (with help from her teacher, that is!)

...

Jorja's first day of preschool

2008-09-03T10:26:00.005-04:00

Yesterday was Jorja's first day of preschool. I really like her little school and her teacher "Ms. Anna." She was very excited and ran into the classroom to play, hardly noticing that we were leaving. There was sadly, no goodbye kiss for mommy. Just a wave and a "bye" as she played with some baby dolls.

Here she is, all dressed and ready to go:

And here she decided that her backpack was too heavy:

Waiting outside for the doors to open:

Here was her first day's lunch - grape skewers, cucumber stars, carrot flowers, bologna hearts and crackers(yes, I'm having fun with bento again):

And this was the goodbye:

Pickup was another story altogether. Jorja was obviously exhausted. As we were leaving, she decided to run into the one year old class. After trying to be calm and ask nicely, (gotta keep up appearances to the other moms) I finally went into the class and picked her up to take her out. That's when she bit my shoulder. Not wanting to make a scene, I decided to discipline her when we got to the car. I asked her to help me push Josie's stroller. As we got out the door, she made her break. She ran right down the sidewalk and in front of a suburban...with me close on her heels - I yelled to Jonah to stay with Josie and the stroller.

She broke right and made her way toward the playground, behind a bush. As I tried to run to one side to grab her, she would dart toward the other. We went back and forth a couple times, me getting redder and redder while she was giggling. It was fantastic fun for a 2 year old and insane humiliation for a mother. I finally faked her out and grabbed her arm.

Jonah, who was back at the stroller, pushed Josie to the car while I manhandled a screaming, kicking, punching Jorja to her car seat. We were making quite a scene, Jorja screaming "don't do that", and "you're hurting me", while I'm practically breaking her in half pushing her down into the seat to get it buckled. If you have never had a child straighten their body out completely to keep you from buckling them in, you are missing one of life's great challenges. It never ceases to amaze me how strong a 2 year old child can be. It's a real test of strength and will to get them into the seat without killing them or causing some damage to internal organs.

By the time we got home, she was only screaming at half volume, but she was really red and had tears streaming down her face. I plopped a very sweet and overtired Josie into her crib and literally had to pin Jorja to her bed with my arm to get her to stay in. She continued the screaming fit with me next to her and within seconds she was out and had probably one of the best naps of her life.

I can't wait for 1:30 today. I would say that she could never top that performance, but let's not kid ourselves. This is Jorja...

Fun with groceries...

2008-08-30T10:16:00.004-04:00

Some would say I have too much time on my hands. I say I have creative priorities. Either way, this entertained the kids for a few minutes...

It also helped me realize that I need to clean the fridge. Maybe that's why the eggs are so freaked out - poor living conditions.

Oops, there's one of those nasty reasons homeschool can be hard...

2008-08-29T08:07:00.003-04:00

How about when the teacher (mom) is sick.

Yeah, we don't get to call in a sub while "Mrs. M" is home in bed recuperating. Nope. Mrs. M has a poorly written contract that says she still has to teach. Mrs. M also has to be careful not to throw out her back again. That makes teaching and caring for 3 young children very hard. It makes it impossible for Mrs. M to be patient and kind. The children quickly learn that "M" is for monster.

...

Big Duh

2008-08-27T20:19:00.002-04:00

I never said I was knowledgeable about blogging.

I have apparently overlooked the "anyone can comment" option a couple times, because I just saw it and to quote any southern mom, "if it was a snake, it woulda bit me." It was right there at the top... Big Duh.

So now you can comment even if you do not have a Google account. Let them fly...but be nice, OK?

HURP

2008-08-27T16:16:00.002-04:00

http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/hairband.asp

I'm hooked.

2008-08-25T21:51:00.004-04:00

I still will only commit to homeschooling this year...but...I love it. I love teaching Jonah anything and everything. I love that her knowledge of this earth and everything in it and the heavens is coming mostly from Jason and I. I love that we can read to her, sing with her, listen to her stories, and enjoy watching her become who she will one day be. This is a blessing. It is not easy, it is time consuming, at times frustrating, and I have my moments of doubt. But the positives outweigh the negatives in immeasurable ways.

And for your reading pleasure, Jonah's creative writing story of the day...written by her hand:

She is given a picture and her assignment is to write a story about it.

Here is a translation for those of you who do not read 6 year old:

One night there was a little bat that was so cold.
There were other bats going by.
He said "will you come snuggle with me?"

Hallelujah

2008-08-25T21:34:00.003-04:00

Hallelujah, the closet is done. I have a laundry system that actually allowed me to do the impossible...wash everything!!

Here are the pictures of my new closet and the presorting area that my wonderful, gracious, supportive, creative husband built for me:

(notice the lack of laundry in the baskets...and NO! I did not just dump it out for the pictures, it was really washed!)

Chicken Mummy Update, Part Deux...

2008-08-25T21:24:00.005-04:00

One of the new favorite "words", if you will, around our house is *hurp*. It's that kind of throwing up in your mouth sound. Delightful imagery, I know, but sometimes the only way to describe something is to sink to a 12 year old boy's level.

*Hurp* is how I would describe the chicken now. The smell, I admit is not as pungent as the first salt change, but still there, and the chicken is much smaller. We should have weighed it before and after, that could have counted as science and math!

Anyway, I still can't stand over it and breathe once the bag is opened or *hurp*. I tried turning my head to the right and taking a deep breath to clear my sinuses, unfortunately, I forgot I had set the open bag of chicken-moistened salt in the right side of the sink and well...*hurp*.

We are 6 weeks into the mummy, so theoretically, it's finished, but I'm going to give it one more week in the salt mixture, just in case. That being said, look for pictures and a description of our wrap job and sarcophagus in the next week or so.

Look to the right -->

2008-08-15T16:16:00.004-04:00

Yes, folks, ITLaPD (that's International Talk Like a Pirate Day for you landlubbers) is just over a month away - September 19th, 2008. I happen to love the day, as it gives me an excuse to be a total goober and use terms like "ARGH", "matey" and "ye' scallawags". This year I must watch Pirates 1-3 in succession in marathon format all day if I can get away with it. It's on a Friday, so hopefully we can drive some random waitress nuts with it at dinner. No one seems to have a sense of humor at the Steak and Shake...maybe that would be a fun place to go...

Anyway, if you are not well versed in Pirate speak, here is a good online dictionary for you.

Laundry Update

2008-08-13T22:08:00.003-04:00

It's bad in there. Real bad. I cannot describe the monstrosity in my closet. I do a load or more every day, yet the pile grows and grows. It doesn't help that (don't look Ashlie) at least one load a day is laden with poop or potty laundry (Okay, Ashlie, you can look again).

My fellow home school mom (and quite frankly, one of my mentors) gave me advice on how she handles laundry, but I have been unable to find a way to implement her system (yes, Jason, this means I NEED my new closet). Basically, she has a bunch of baskets in the laundry room and presorts. When a basket is full, she dumps it right into the washer and moves on. She actually likes doing laundry. This I do not understand. It's like I'm from Venus and laundry is from Mars. Okay, bad analogy, but you get my drift.

I would not mind loving to do laundry, though. I mean, hey, I love clothes. What is better than having clean clothes to wear? Oh, yeah, new clothes, or clothes cleaned by someone else while I watch Project Runway. But...since that is not currently worked into the 2008 budget (also known as "We need a roof") I guess I have to find a way to love laundry. Perhaps, like a young maiden betrothed to a hideous older man...I can learn to love it over time.

...

Let's get serious

2008-08-12T14:39:00.004-04:00

Many of you know of my struggles with depression over my lifetime. God has delivered me time and time again from the hold that depression takes on my life, and ultimately the lives of those around me.

I realize that the chaos of my life and my slight insanity brings many of you back to read more...however...I have been feeling depression closing in on me more and more and need to do something before I cross the line to complete craziness!

I have been reading When People Are Big and God Is Small in my Monday night Bible Study. Now, understand, this book is one of those that breaks you down to the minute speck of dung you are (read:tainted) and then builds you back up (I hope) as a work of God. It stinks to read it. It stinks to be reminded of exactly where we go wrong (everywhere but God) but it is wonderful how it reminds us that God is patiently waiting for us.

Last week's chapter mentioned the book of Job and how Job concentrated on God instead of the people (and terrible circumstances) around him. And, as mentioned in the book, I am going to read the last four chapters of Job each day for a month. This is a task I cannot achieve alone. Please pray that I will succeed in this undertaking, as I know that the words of God will change my life.

I'm posting the last four chapters here so you can read them daily with me, and so each time I view my blog...I have them in front of me.

39:1 “Do you know when the mountain goats give birth?
Do you observe the calving of the does?
2 Can you number the months that they fulfill,
and do you know the time when they give birth,
3 when they crouch, bring forth their offspring,
and are delivered of their young?
4 Their young ones become strong; they grow up in the open;
they go out and do not return to them.

5 “Who has let the wild donkey go free?
Who has loosed the bonds of the swift donkey,
6 to whom I have given the arid plain for his home
and the salt land for his dwelling place?
7 He scorns the tumult of the city;
he hears not the shouts of the driver.
8 He ranges the mountains as his pasture,
and he searches after every green thing.

9 “Is the wild ox willing to serve you?
Will he spend the night at your manger?
10 Can you bind him in the furrow with ropes,
or will he harrow the valleys after you?
11 Will you depend on him because his strength is great,
and will you leave to him your labor?
12 Do you have faith in him that he will return your grain
and gather it to your threshing floor?

13 “The wings of the ostrich wave proudly,
but are they the pinions and plumage of love? [1]
14 For she leaves her eggs to the earth
and lets them be warmed on the ground,
15 forgetting that a foot may crush them
and that the wild beast may trample them.
16 She deals cruelly with her young, as if they were not hers;
though her labor be in vain, yet she has no fear,
17 because God has made her forget wisdom
and given her no share in understanding.
18 When she rouses herself to flee, [2]
she laughs at the horse and his rider.

19 “Do you give the horse his might?
Do you clothe his neck with a mane?
20 Do you make him leap like the locust?
His majestic snorting is terrifying.
21 He paws [3] in the valley and exults in his strength;
he goes out to meet the weapons.
22 He laughs at fear and is not dismayed;
he does not turn back from the sword.
23 Upon him rattle the quiver,
the flashing spear, and the javelin.
24 With fierceness and rage he swallows the ground;
he cannot stand still at the sound of the trumpet.
25 When the trumpet sounds, he says ‘Aha!’
He smells the battle from afar,
the thunder of the captains, and the shouting.

26 “Is it by your understanding that the hawk soars
and spreads his wings toward the south?
27 Is it at your command that the eagle mounts up
and makes his nest on high?
28 On the rock he dwells and makes his home,
on the rocky crag and stronghold.
29 From there he spies out the prey;
his eyes behold it from far away.
30 His young ones suck up blood,
and where the slain are, there is he.”

40:1 And the Lord said to Job:

2 “Shall a faultfinder contend with the Almighty?
He who argues with God, let him answer it.”

Job Promises Silence

3 Then Job answered the Lord and said:

4 “Behold, I am of small account; what shall I answer you?
I lay my hand on my mouth.
5 I have spoken once, and I will not answer;
twice, but I will proceed no further.”

The Lord Challenges Job

6 Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind and said:

7 “Dress for action [1] like a man;
I will question you, and you make it known to me.
8 Will you even put me in the wrong?
Will you condemn me that you may be in the right?
9 Have you an arm like God,
and can you thunder with a voice like his?

10 “Adorn yourself with majesty and dignity;
clothe yourself with glory and splendor.
11 Pour out the overflowings of your anger,
and look on everyone who is proud and abase him.
12 Look on everyone who is proud and bring him low
and tread down the wicked where they stand.
13 Hide them all in the dust together;
bind their faces in the world below. [2]
14 Then will I also acknowledge to you
that your own right hand can save you.

15 “Behold, Behemoth, [3]
which I made as I made you;
he eats grass like an ox.
16 Behold, his strength in his loins,
and his power in the muscles of his belly.
17 He makes his tail stiff like a cedar;
the sinews of his thighs are knit together.
18 His bones are tubes of bronze,
his limbs like bars of iron.

19 “He is the first of the works [4] of God;
let him who made him bring near his sword!
20 For the mountains yield food for him
where all the wild beasts play.
21 Under the lotus plants he lies,
in the shelter of the reeds and in the marsh.
22 For his shade the lotus trees cover him;
the willows of the brook surround him.
23 Behold, if the river is turbulent he is not frightened;
he is confident though Jordan rushes against his mouth.
24 Can one take him by his eyes, [5]
or pierce his nose with a snare?

41:1 [6] “Can you draw out Leviathan [7] with a fishhook
or press down his tongue with a cord?
2 Can you put a rope in his nose
or pierce his jaw with a hook?
3 Will he make many pleas to you?
Will he speak to you soft words?
4 Will he make a covenant with you
to take him for your servant forever?
5 Will you play with him as with a bird,
or will you put him on a leash for your girls?
6 Will traders bargain over him?
Will they divide him up among the merchants?
7 Can you fill his skin with harpoons
or his head with fishing spears?
8 Lay your hands on him;
remember the battle—you will not do it again!
9 [8] Behold, the hope of a man is false;
he is laid low even at the sight of him.
10 No one is so fierce that he dares to stir him up.
Who then is he who can stand before me?
11 Who has first given to me, that I should repay him?
Whatever is under the whole heaven is mine.

12 “I will not keep silence concerning his limbs,
or his mighty strength, or his goodly frame.
13 Who can strip off his outer garment?
Who would come near him with a bridle?
14 Who can open the doors of his face?
Around his teeth is terror.
15 His back is made of [9] rows of shields,
shut up closely as with a seal.
16 One is so near to another
that no air can come between them.
17 They are joined one to another;
they clasp each other and cannot be separated.
18 His sneezings flash forth light,
and his eyes are like the eyelids of the dawn.
19 Out of his mouth go flaming torches;
sparks of fire leap forth.
20 Out of his nostrils comes forth smoke,
as from a boiling pot and burning rushes.
21 His breath kindles coals,
and a flame comes forth from his mouth.
22 In his neck abides strength,
and terror dances before him.
23 The folds of his flesh stick together,
firmly cast on him and immovable.
24 His heart is hard as a stone,
hard as the lower millstone.
25 When he raises himself up the mighty [10] are afraid;
at the crashing they are beside themselves.
26 Though the sword reaches him, it does not avail,
nor the spear, the dart, or the javelin.
27 He counts iron as straw,
and bronze as rotten wood.
28 The arrow cannot make him flee;
for him sling stones are turned to stubble.
29 Clubs are counted as stubble;
he laughs at the rattle of javelins.
30 His underparts are like sharp potsherds;
he spreads himself like a threshing sledge on the mire.
31 He makes the deep boil like a pot;
he makes the sea like a pot of ointment.
32 Behind him he leaves a shining wake;
one would think the deep to be white-haired.
33 On earth there is not his like,
a creature without fear.
34 He sees everything that is high;
he is king over all the sons of pride.”

Job's Confession and Repentance

42:1 Then Job answered the Lord and said:

2 “I know that you can do all things,
and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
3 ‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’
Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,
things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
4 ‘Hear, and I will speak;
I will question you, and you make it known to me.’
5 I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,
but now my eye sees you;
6 therefore I despise myself,
and repent [11] in dust and ashes.”

The Lord Rebukes Job's Friends

7 After the Lord had spoken these words to Job, the Lord said to Eliphaz the Temanite: “My anger burns against you and against your two friends, for you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has. 8 Now therefore take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and offer up a burnt offering for yourselves. And my servant Job shall pray for you, for I will accept his prayer not to deal with you according to your folly. For you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has.” 9 So Eliphaz the Temanite and Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite went and did what the Lord had told them, and the Lord accepted Job's prayer.

The Lord Restores Job's Fortunes

10 And the Lord restored the fortunes of Job, when he had prayed for his friends. And the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before. 11 Then came to him all his brothers and sisters and all who had known him before, and ate bread with him in his house. And they showed him sympathy and comforted him for all the evil [12] that the Lord had brought upon him. And each of them gave him a piece of money [13] and a ring of gold.

12 And the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning. And he had 14,000 sheep, 6,000 camels, 1,000 yoke of oxen, and 1,000 female donkeys. 13 He had also seven sons and three daughters. 14 And he called the name of the first daughter Jemimah, and the name of the second Keziah, and the name of the third Keren-happuch. 15 And in all the land there were no women so beautiful as Job's daughters. And their father gave them an inheritance among their brothers. 16 And after this Job lived 140 years, and saw his sons, and his sons' sons, four generations. 17 And Job died, an old man, and full of days.

(taken from the ESV online)

Pudding is sooooo good...

2008-08-11T23:28:00.002-04:00